The Love of Music
by romanceofdaydreams
Summary: Anastasia Steele had a rough time growing up and after what feels like blow after blow has finally gotten to a better place whilst dealing with her inner demons. Ana and Christian had a brief encounter in the past. Will she remember him or want to? Can they use each other to guide themselves from their inner darkness into the light? A what if / AU story.
1. Music

**A/N: i had this idea rattling around in my head for a while now and i finally struck up the courage to put it into words. Pls let me know what you think, but remember i am a newbie at this :)**

**Ana's POV**

_Music - noun - An art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony and colour._

* * *

Barging into my room, a loud sing song voice tries to wake me from my slumber.

"Wake up sleepyhead!"

Ugh, I roll over towards the perky voice and slowly open an eye to see my roommate, the tenacious Miss Katherine Kavanagh. Her beautiful strawberry blonde hair piled on top of her head, her bright green eyes filled with excitement for the day.

"Ugh, really Kate it's too early to be all perky at this time of the morning." my voice full of sleep. I am not a morning person, never have been and I truly doubt I ever will be.

"Come on Ana, get up. It's already after 9:30 and you promised to come shopping with me today." Kate says pouting at me. Oh yeah. Why I agreed to do that I will never understand. I hate shopping, but for my best friend I'll make an exception.

"Here. Sit up, I've made you a cup of tea, and I have a ham and cheese croissant for you."

Opening my other eye I see her standing beside my bed already dressed in tight skinny white jeans and a cute bright pink tank top with matching pink heels, she places a tea cup and a small plate on my night stand. Kate is no cook, hence why she's made something that you literally just slap together. The thought brings a small smile to my face.

"Come on Ana. The quicker we leave the quicker this whole ordeal will be over with." She says with wink and a smirk, and quickly heads out of my room, knowing that I detest shopping. I mean really; why us women like shopping is quite beyond me sometimes. Walking round shop after shop to find the perfect item to not even find it or spend truck loads of money trying to find it by being distracted by other items. Frankly I find it annoying and a waste of time and money. Simple and plain. That's me. Knowing Kate though, she'll make it up to me by buying me some cute top or do me up somehow, god that woman treats me like a barbie doll sometimes, but I love her all the same.

After showering, I dress in a tight black tank top and my favourite pair of skinny jeans, which I personally think my ass looks fabulous in, but it's ok that no one notices; I'm just a plain Jane, nothing really special about me. I came to terms with that fact years ago. My hair is up in a long sleek ponytail and I turn to grab my black converse shoes to see Kate standing in the doorway of my room.

"Ready?"

"Yep, give me a second. Just got me shoes to go."

"Ana, I don't know how many times I need to tell you but girl, you should be wearing heels. You've got the legs for it. Here put these on, just because you live in jeans it doesn't mean you can't add a little class to them." she says whilst handing me a pair of black peep toes. I cringe at the thought of putting feet killers on.

"Ana, don't give me that look. Just do it, plus its faster, you don't have to waste time with socks." and with that she walks away to get her bag. She's right I do live in jeans, but so what? I have my reasons and in my mind they are pretty bloody good reasons, plus I love them. It's all about being comfortable, I don't get fashion, I mean who wants to stand in heels all day where your feet are squished and are killing you in a matter of hours.

"Ana! Come on!" I hear the front door opening. Crap I'll have to put these on as I can't find any socks. Knowing Kate she probably hid them whilst I was in the shower knowing that I'd have to put on the heels. Hmmm, part of her evil plan to torture me today I suppose. I quickly grab my phone and purse and with a quick glace in the mirror...Crap. Kate's right. My legs do look good in heels. I race out the door to catch up to her.

After two hours of being dragged from store to store trying on outfit after outfit, Kate is finally done. Not to mention I have walked away with a few purchases of my own.

"Lunch?"

"God, Kate I thought you'd never ask!" I laugh, I am actually starving. All this pottering around in heels is making me hungry. "There's a nice little café around the corner. Want to go there?"

"Steele, I'm on to you." She giggles. "You only want to go there cause of what's next door."

"Ok, fine you got me." I say with my palms up, "You got me."

We walk down the rest of the block and turn the corner. A few stores up we come to my favourite store. As soon as we open the door and walk towards the back we are greeted by a handsome older gentleman.

"Anastasia! Katherine! How lovely to see you. I missed my favourite customer." the older greying haired gentlemen says with a smile and comes over to give us a small hug.

I giggle at the favourite customer comment, "Oh Henry, you can't call me a customer when I never buy anything."

"You will one day, and when that day comes it will be a sad, sad day. You won't need to come here and see this old man anymore." He says with a fake pout, his smile trying to break through.

"Well we all know that day is still a long way away for me to afford what I want." I feel my mood slipping. I scan the room to find what I'm after. "Plus I like coming here." A few seconds later I see what I'm looking for. "Oh you moved her."

"Yes we did. I thought it would look better in the main window. The sound resonates better there as well. I actually thought of you. Thought you'd look good sitting in the window next time you came to play. Good for business too." He winks playfully.

"Henry that's really sweet, but you know I'm not really one for an audience."

"Ana, don't start. You are fantastic. I don't know when you are going to get that through that thick skull of yours." Kate exclaims. She's always telling me how good I am, but to me it's a release, a calming agent. I play for me not others.

"Hmmm thick skull you say. Whatever Kavanagh." I say like I'm some petulant teenager. If only you knew what me and my thick skull have been through. I'm lucky that it is so thick.

"Come now ladies, no need to be like that. Anastasia, what will you play for me today?" Henry leads us back towards the front of the store where a gorgeous black baby grand Steinway piano sits. I sit on the plush leather of the piano stool, running my fingers gently along the ivory of the black and white keys. I kick off my shoes ready for the foot pedals and i stretch my fingers to play a few scales to warm up.

The love of music was the one thing that my mother insisted that she instil in me. She would tell me stories of when she was a kid and her mother would sit and play for her as a child, but could never afford to keep her lessons up as they needed to sell their piano at one stage to help ends meet. My mother vowed that I would learn so I would have that opportunity to be "culturally rounded" as she would put it. Sometimes when I played she would tell me stories of my birthfather and how he played as a child and how he would be proud that I kept at it and enjoy it. Something about being a part of him, closer to him; even though we only met once. For a while we didn't have a piano at home but she made sure I had lessons all the same. Growing up I found it to be a way I could get away from all the crap; away from all the torments that school and adolescence brought. At one stage it was actual therapy. I was an chubby, awkward gauche looking child and certainly was made to know it. _Understatement of the year!_

I would lose myself in the melodies and the difficulty of the notes my fingers would freely find. My mother, a true romantic always had me playing her sad love songs, or something slow with meaning. In the beginning I couldn't understand why but watching her through the years and then onto marriage number four it made sense. I do enjoy the classical pieces and the challenge that they give to play, but over the years and my mother's influence I've lent more towards mainstream music as well as writing my own original pieces.

"Oooo play that song you were playing the other day, you know the one about waiting." Kate says excitedly whilst watching me finish up my warm up scales.

"Ok Kate. For you."


	2. Uncanny

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, follows and favorites. It truly means alot to me that people are reading this and like what i came up with. I will try to personally respond to reviews and i'm open to any constructive feedback or ideas on where i could take this. Much Love ox  
**

**I own nothing, just playing around for fun.  
**

**Christian's POV**

* * *

_Uncanny - adjective - having or seeming to have a supernatural or inexplicable basis; beyond the ordinary or normal; mysterious; arousing superstitious fear or dread; uncomfortably strange._

* * *

"Fuck Mia! How many more stores are you going to drag us through?" She scowls at me

"One more I promise and then we can have lunch at this quaint little café around the corner."

"I fucking hope so. I could have just paid people to do this shit for you." I mutter under my breath. My little sister is dragging me and my brother around shopping as we promised her we'd spend the day doing whatever she wanted. Dragging her brothers around shopping was not what I thought she'd want to do, but I have a feeling she's doing this out of spite since Elliot and I have neglected her a bit lately.

Elliot comes up and slaps me on my shoulder, "Don't worry bro, if it's the place I'm thinking of that Becca took me to a few weeks ago, the food isn't too bad and the chicks I saw there weren't too bad either." He chuckles with an over exaggerated wink. My brother Elliot can't keep it in his fucking pants. I'm sure he's had most of the female population in Seattle, probably to the point he could be named Seattle's most wanted man-whore.

"Are you sure it was Becca that took you there? Or was it…hmmm let me think…oh yeah Renee the other one you had strung along at the same time?" I smirk at my brother.

"Does it matter?" He says, looking quite pleased with himself. "There was this really hot chick I seen there last time. Didn't get to chat to her though, you know, with Becca there and all. I dug up some dirt from the wait staff though." He laughs and smirks at me. "Yep, I took a page out of your book little brother."

"Fuck off Elliot."

"Anyways, apparently her friend regularly eats there so maybe I might run into the strawberry blonde bombshell, if not I can use her friend to find her." Elliot says all cocky and winks. "She wasn't too bad, the friend I mean, but you know me I'm not really a brunette kinda guy. Maybe that's your thing Bro. You can have the friend." Elliot says raising an eyebrow. He's trying to goad me 'cause he has no idea what my fucking type is, even though yes brunettes are my thing, but he doesn't need to know that. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm gay.

"Fuck off Elliot. I don't need your help."

"Could a fooled me." Fuck he's annoying sometimes.

"Ok, I'm done. You can stop your bickering now. Let's do lunch!" Mia grabs my hand and pulls me down the street all excited towards the café that she has in mind for lunch, throwing her bags of purchases at Elliot to carry.

A small crowd of people have started to gather in front of a store about half a block ahead of us.

"Oh I wonder what's going on here!" Mia exclaims all excited, trying to drag me faster towards the crowd. I can't stop my lips from lifting into a half smile. Mia can't help herself when it comes to gossip, she's got to know everything that's going on. It's fucking annoying yet endearing of who Mia is.

As we get closer, I hear the soft thrums of a piano. Hmmm a Steinway baby grand by the sounds of it. Nice choice, but I prefer the timbre and tonal superiority of a concert grand, you know the saying; bigger is better. Oh the irony isn't lost on me. I chuckle to myself. Mia looks at me with a puzzled look and I just stare back impassively. She doesn't need to know what thoughts are going on in my head. As we edge closer to the crowd I can now hear a sweet soft almost angelic female voice. No, I'm not going soft, I just know music, and I know what I like and I like this.

As Mia drags us though the small crowd closer to her goal I notice the crowd is standing in front of an instrumental music store. Through the front windows of the store you can see the walls lined with instruments: flutes, violins, saxophones, guitars to name a few and sheet music, rows and rows of sheet music. How did I not know of this store? It's so close to Escala. This is a place I could get lost in. You name it. I see it. My eyes are drawn to the left where I see the baby grand. There's a young woman behind it. From where I'm standing I can only see part of her face as its turned down towards the keys, the piano blocking my view of the rest of her body except for her small shoulders. She must be at the interlude of the song as she's no longer singing but concentrating on the keys and becoming consumed in the melody. Her eyes are closed and her head and shoulders are swaying as she's lost in the moment and meaning of the music, like there's no one around; just her and the music. I know that feeling. It's what I do when I play. She's intriguing. She starts to sing again and I can't help but stare. It's breathtaking to watch. Her voice, the way she moves, with such passion and grace. She's singing something about waiting and not hearing what her heart is saying. Hmmm interesting song choice. There's something about her though, I'm drawn to her and I can't stop staring.

Suddenly, the small crowd starts clapping. I didn't realise she'd finished, I just keep staring. She looks up and scans the crowd looking embarrassed as if she didn't even realise that a crowd had formed whilst she was playing. Holy crap I was right. She was so lost in the music she had no idea what was going on around her, it makes me feel…..hmmm I don't know, like I'm intruding? _What the fuck?_ I don't know why I feel so beguiled by this woman; I don't even know what she really looks like. As she scans the crowd her eyes fall in our direction and suddenly I'm met with the most clear blue eyes. Only once before have I seen such an extraordinary colour - guileless, powder blue - like it can see through me, it's unnerving. Eyes that haunt my dreams of an encounter once had. Her face has such innocence to it, small button nose and her pale flawless skin slowly turning pink from the blush that is creeping across it. It's only a face baby. She then smiles this shy sweet smile and I can't help but return one of my own. Holy fuck, she's breathtakingly beautiful and she's got substance. Not like some of these bimbos that Elliot brings home; all beauty, no brains.

Argh, I'm suddenly elbowed in the ribs by Mia, hard.

"Oi! Stop staring. Jesus Christian, clap; don't be so rude. She was fantastic." Mia admonishes me, returning her gaze of amazement back to the brunette piano player.

I start clapping but I can't help but keep staring. The familiarity of this beauty is uncanny.

Fuck! It's her!


	3. Known

**A/N: Hi Everyone. Just wanted to say thank you for the reviews, new follows and favourites. It truly means a lot especially since i'm really new at this. i do have a few ideas of what the next couple of chapters will entail but other than that i'm just seeing where it takes me. Reviews, feedback and ideas is much appreciated :). Oh and i'm currently working on chap4 which has a bit of a flashback in it :) Much Love ox**

**I own nothing, this is just for fun.**

**Ana's POV**

* * *

_Known - verb - to have established or fixed in the mind or memory; be acquainted with (a thing, place, person, etc.), as by sight, experience, or report._

* * *

Oh, shit.

There are people clapping. A small crowd now stands outside the store watching me. Oh god this is so embarrassing. I slowly look at the people in the crowd. They are all smiling and clapping. Hmmm maybe I'm not that bad after all. _Of course you aren't you idiot! You and your bloody self-doubt!_

As I gaze across the crowd I reach to the far side closest to the entrance of the store and my eyes fall upon what has to be the most drop dead amazingly sexy man I have seen in my entire life. It should be illegal to be that good looking. He has the most piercing gorgeous looking grey eyes. I smile shyly as our gazes meet, and I can feel myself blush and my insides do a little flip, Oh My God! Moments later to my surprise he returns the smile. Wow. _Duh! He's just being polite_.

"Steele! That was fantastic." Kate says bringing my attention away from the gorgeous looking man who was staring at me. Hmmm did I have something in my teeth maybe? I quickly use my tongue to clear anything, now feeling more embarrassed. I've just sung in front of all these people whilst probably something stuck in my teeth. Great. Just great.

"What are you doing Steele?" Says Kate looking confused at me and my mouth movements.

"Mouths a bit dry from singing. Can you pass me my bag?" I get up from the piano stool and slip my shoes back on as Kate hands me my bag and I get out my water bottle. Nice save Steele, nice save. I look over my shoulder and see the crowd dispersing, some even coming into the store. I search the crowd for the gorgeous stranger; the man with the eyes…..but no, I don't see him anywhere. Maybe I was dreaming? For some reason he seems so familiar...

"Looking for someone?" Kate asks me all concerned.

"Oh…no. Not a worry Kate. Just looking. I can't believe I just did that." Distraction technique always works with Kate because I'm sure as hell not going to say 'yes Kate I'm looking for a drop dead gorgeous stranger that for some reason I just want to get another good look' now am I.

There's something about those eyes, something familiar, something… known, like I've seen them before. But where?

"Well believe it Steele! And you were a success. The crowd loved you. I hate to say it but... I told you so." She says with sass.

"Don't kid yourself Kavanagh. You didn't hate saying that one little bit." I say with a smirk which she returns.

Kate laughs, "You got me there!"

I turn to find Henry who is helping customers who are now browsing the store. It's nice to see something good came from the utter embarrassment of performing in his store; it's now full of people browsing. At least he'll get a few sales today since I'll never afford what I want. "Excuse me Henry but have you got a back way out of here? I don't particularly want to go out the front through all those people." Hopefully Henry can see I'm uncomfortable with the attention. It's bad enough that I sung in front of all these people. The last thing I want or need is them asking questions.

Henry turns towards me excusing himself from the customer and I can see compassion flicker across his aging face. "Sure thing Anastasia." He places a reassuring hand on my shoulder whilst guiding me to the back areas of his store. He stops just as we reach a door and looks at me with such sincerity, "You really are quite good Ana. You could go quite far if you wanted to. You proved that with an impromptu performance. You pulled a crowd without even trying. That takes real talent. Even if that's not the life you want you could easily get a gig in a small club or even a regular spot to make some easy money. Plus when you think about it you'll get paid to do something you love."

"Excuse me Miss?" We all turn towards a female voice coming from behind us to see a tall well dressed, long raven haired woman with bright hazel eyes. "I don't mean to pry but your gentleman friend here is correct. You are fantastic and if a high profile career isn't something you'd like to entertain to pursue then maybe you'd like something more low key."

"Are you in the Industry or something?" Replies Kate, her inner reporter starting to show.

"Oh good god no! I'm in advertising. My brother owns a club downtown and I know he's having a new talent night on Thursday to find exciting new people to play in his clubs. I could put your name down if you want."

Henry interrupts, "I'm sorry ladies I'd love to stand and chat but I have a store full of potential customers." He then looks at me and winks. "All thanks to my favourite customer of all time. When you're ready Ana just take this door and turn left and you'll be fine. Until next time young ladies."

"Bye Henry" Kate and I say in unison. I turn my attention back to the strange woman.

"Umm...ahh thanks for the offer but I'm not sure about that." I must look at her bewildered by her comments as she quickly responds.

"Oh my god. Sorry. Where are my manners? My name's Rachel. Rachel McAdbury." Rachel extends her hand for me to shake.

"Ana. Ana Steele." I reply taking her hand into a firm handshake.

"Look, no pressure, even if you just come down and watch. Maybe it'll give you a feel for it and hopefully do it the next time he does a new talent night."

"Ummm... Let me think about it ok?" I'm really not sure about this. I mean I could definitely use the extra cash, and doing something I love would be kinda cool but I tend to stay away from places like that - too much temptation and crowds of people is certainly not my thing, I mean if it was a small intimate environment I might entertain the idea. Oh my god am I really considering this?!

"That's ok. Like I said no pressure." The woman starts rummaging around in her oversized handbag and pulls out a business card and a pen. "Ah here we go. I knew I had one here somewhere." Rachel writes something on the back of the card and then hands it over to me. "Here. Take this. It's my brothers' business card. It's got the address of the club where he's holding the talent night, and I've put my cell number on the back in case you need it."

"Ah, ok. Thanks." I look at her, with probably a puzzled look. To be quite honest I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by her forwardness.

She gives me a smile and says, "Like I said no pressure. If you turn up cool. If not, no harm done. It starts at 7 this Thursday night." She suddenly looks at her watch and gasps. "Oh crap look at the time I better run. Actually, I'm supposed to be meeting my bro for lunch and he hates tardiness, so I better scram. It was nice to meet you Ana. You truly are fantastic." And with that, she rushes away.

Kate and I just stand there momentarily dumbfounded with what just happened. Regaining our composure, "Wow, what was that hey?" I say whilst opening the door to the alley way behind the store. Kate looks at me mirroring my confused and bewildered look and then shrugs. We link arms and after a few moments once we've made our way down the alley way and onto the main street Kate playfully elbows me and says, "It's not gonna hurt you giving it a go, Ana. Even so, like the lady said if you chicken out at least you can check the place out if there's a next time. Plus it's a night out and we might pick up a few musicians." Kate says with a wink and a cheeky wicked smile. Boys. That's all Kate thinks about sometimes. Jeez.

I roll my eyes at her. "Lunch?" Kate nods. I'm actually famished after the morning's events. "Maybe you'll be able to scratch your itch with a cute waiter." I laugh and Kate punches me in the arm.

As we near the cafe, I start to feel uneasy. Like someone's watching me.


	4. Captivating

**A/N: I was hoping to have this chapter out earlier, but i wasn't really happy with it so I played around with it and this is what I came up with. Hope you like it. I'm trying to get a chapter out every few days and now that my eldest daughter is on school holidays it's getting a little more difficult to find the time, so please bare with me. Thanks again for the reviews, follows and favorites. It truly means a lot as it gives me an idea if you guys are liking it. As always reviews, feedback and suggestions are much appreciated. Much Love ox  
**

**I own nothing, this is just for fun.  
**

**Christians POV**

* * *

_Captivating - verb - to attract and hold the attention or interest of, as by beauty or excellence; enchant. _

* * *

"Another thanks" I hear this sweet, angelic voice say as I take an empty seat next to her at the bar.

"Bombay and lime." I order my drink as the over anxious bartender passes the woman a brown coloured liquid on ice which I can only assume is maybe scotch or bourbon. Hmmm straight hard liquor. I would have been more inclined to think women like her would like those lolly water drinks all colourful and pretty and shit. I glance over to the woman to get a better look. Small, slim body, chestnut coloured hair, long legs. Well, well what do we have here?

She's wearing a body hugging little black dress which has crept rather high up her thigh due to sitting with her legs crossed exposing her pale flawless skin. My cock twitches at the sight. I wonder what it would look like after a good flogging and a hard fuck. _Fuck grey, you have proper channels for that shit!_ Maybe it's time to call Elena for a new sub. She can set it up. She knows what I like.

I will her to look at me as I can't see her face as she has her body slightly turned away from me. She seems to be staring down into her drink deep in thought. I wonder what she's thinking about. _Fuck Grey! What do you fucking care for? What you think you going to do? Pick this chick up?_

Well, it has been two months since Susannah. I do need a good fuck. It would definitely help with the tension since I've been living and breathing business deals for the last two months. Maybe use a little bondage; two birds, one stone. It shouldn't scare the crap out of her, tying her up is pretty harmless, I mean that's not much anyway, most women would find that hot right? So why the fuck not? I guy can have a little fun; relieve a little stress in between subs right? Elliot does it all the time. Maybe I'll take a page out of my big brothers man-whore book. Just this once. _Just keep on trying to convince yourself there Grey!_

Before I know it I open my mouth. "Put the young ladies drink on my tab." _What the fuck?!_

She snaps her head towards me, looking irritated that I've interrupted her thought process. "That's quite presumptuous of you. What? You think I can't pay for my own drink?" Oh, what a smart mouth. Normally I wouldn't tolerate such behaviour but for some strange reason from her I find it...captivating.

She takes a moment to look at me, really look at me. Her eyes roaming up and down my body. She's checking me out! It's now I notice her eyes; the most extraordinary powder blue colour, it's almost like she can see right through me. She blushes. Her eyes widen in approval and then a disappointing look fleets across her face.

"Shouldn't you be out there with your girlfriend?" She nods her head towards the dance floor and then downs the rest of her drink, then waves her dainty fingers at the bartender signalling for another one.

"I don't have a girlfriend." It's the truth, well partly. I don't_ do_ girlfriends. She doesn't need to know how fucked up I am that I've never had a girlfriend. I don't do that hearts and flowers shit.

She looks at me with disbelief, raising an eyebrow at me. "Then what's a good looking guy like you doing here sitting all alone then?" She downs half her drink. Obviously the alcohol is making her brave.

"You think I'm good looking?" It oddly pleases me. She blushes an innocent pale rose again. Oh Christ!

"Ah, yeah….. Pretty hot actually. You still haven't answered my question. Why you sitting here all alone then?"

"I'm not sitting alone. I have you. I'm enjoying the company of a pretty lady. I should be asking you the same question?"

"Hhhmp pretty lady my ass." She looks back down at her drink and starts swirling the remainder in the glass.

"I haven't seen your ass but by looking at the rest of you I'd say it's probably perfect, delectable even." I smirk which she returns with a half-smile and what looks like another blush. Damn these lights! What I wouldn't give to see how delicious her skin looks all pink. It probably looks even better after I've spanked it a few times. _Stop it Grey!_

"Are you normally this smooth with all the ladies? I'm sure you're surrounded in pretty ladies who want in your pants." She smirks and then downs the rest of her drink and quickly asks for another.

"No. You're the only pretty lady I want in my pants." Holy fuck! Did I just say that?! She looks at me her eyes wide, and smirks again. Interesting. I quickly change tact. "Why's a pretty lady like you drinking so many glasses of hard liquor?" I'm curious to know.

"Cause I can. Can't afford the tab that I'll run up?" She says playfully.

"Oh. Believe me baby, I can afford it." I finish my drink. Ask for another and skull it down; might as well play catch up.

She suddenly goes all quiet for a moment, emotions quickly flashing through her eyes as if she's replaying the last few minutes in her head; contemplating her thoughts. She watches me drink through her long lashes, like she's trying to read me. She takes a sip of her drink and mutters quietly, "Fifty shades if fucked up underneath hey?" Holy shit! I'm taken back by her comment. Can she really see through me? Or is alcohol making her brave to say whatever comes to mind.

I stare back at her, trying to hide my disbelief, deliberating what response to give her. Fuck it. I'll go with the truth. "Exactly. Fifty shades of fucked up."

She pauses, "Me too." She whispers into her drink, looking sad and lost. I feel this unfamiliar twinge of guilt. I'm unsure. Is she talking to me? Or herself? The mood of this conversation has definitely taken a nose dive. She's intriguing. Why would she see herself as fifty shades of fucked up? "You still haven't answered my question."

"Huh?" She shakes her head as if she trying to shake away the darkening thoughts that were starting to consume her. "What question?"

"Why are you sitting here alone?"

"I'm not. I have you." She says smugly, repeating my own words back to me.

"Point well-made Miss…?

"Let's not do names. This isn't going to go anywhere. Let's be realistic. "

"You wound me." I place my hand over my heart, faking to be emotionally hurt._ Aren't you?_ What the fuck am I doing? _You just got rejected_. Women don't reject me.

She quickly finishes her drink, sliding off the stool to leave, standing so close to me I can smell her. Oh, she smells divine. "Nice to meet you." She whispers in my ear as she turns to leave grazing my earlobe with her soft full lips. No! She can't go. No, not yet.

"Wait. Would you like to dance?" What the fuck am I doing? I hold my hand out to her and look at her pleadingly. I can't let her go yet. _Why Grey? You don't know her. You don't owe her anything._ For some strange reason I don't want her to go.

* * *

"Christian? Hello, earth to Christian?!" Mia starts waving her hands in front if my face pulling me out of my reverie.

I glare at Mia. God she is so fucking annoying sometimes. "What Mia?" My voice laced with disdain.

"Dude! You were totally off with the fairies. "God damn it now Elliot's all concerned. What the hell is this woman doing to me? I only now realise that I've been led into some dingy little restaurant, definitely not my usual taste, but thankfully seated at a table at the back.

"Just got a lot on my mind. Billion dollar companies don't run on their own you know." As if I'm going to tell them what's really on my mind. What's really on my mind? A blue eyed brunette who I met 6 months ago, whose eyes haunt my dreams and whose eyes have miraculously reappeared in front of me...again.

Just as Mia is about to retort some smart arse comment she spots a friend and goes over to her. Fan-fucking-tastic. More of Mia's obnoxious friends she'll invite over to drool over me. It gets tiring real fast.

This day just keeps getting fucking better.


	5. Courage

**A/N: If any of you are friends with me on facebook you'll know i was a bit apprehensive with this chapter. I hopefully have hinted throughout previous chapters this is where i was heading with Ana's past. I don't think I've done it justice though and i reworked parts quite a few times. Anyways this is what I've come up with. As always, thank you so much for the reviews, follows and favorites. Your continued support truly means a lot as it's the only way i know if you are liking what I'm doing. I probably won't get another chapter out before Christmas, so with that said - Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your families. Much Love ox  
**

**Ana's POV**

* * *

_Courage - noun - the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism._

* * *

As we walk closer to the cafe I notice more people staring.

"Kate..." She cuts me off.

"You want to go somewhere else."

"Yeah. How'd u know?"

"I can feel all the staring too. They must have seen or heard you playing. And I know how you are."

"Thanks Kate. Oh god this is so embarrassing."

"Steele." She says forcefully, stopping me in my tracks and holding me by my shoulders. "You. Have. Nothing. To be. Embarrassed. About." I can always count on Kate to try and uplift my spirits. "You my dear friend are fantastic. So let's ignore the rude fuckers and enjoy our lunch." Oh? I'm confused...

"Hang on. I thought you said we could go somewhere else?"

"No I didn't."

"Ah, yeah you did. If I recall you said want to go somewhere else."

She looks at me deadpan. "That was a statement not a question. I know you Steele. I love you. You know that, but sometimes you need some tough love. So get over it. When you get over you fears and think about it rationally you know they are only staring more than likely out of envy or admiration." With that said she starts walking again.

Her comment catches me off guard. I just stand there momentarily like a stunned mullet and contemplate what she's said. She right. Me and my stupid self-doubt ruining perfectly good moments yet again. "Hey, wait up!"

As we walk towards the back of the café Kate quickly sits down at a random table grabbing my arm quite hard, forcing me to sit down quickly opposite her. "Crap!" She whispers hastily. "I hope she didn't see me."

"Huh? What the fuck Kate! That hurt. Who saw wha-?"

Suddenly I hear a high pitched squeal. "Kaaatttteeee! OH MY GOD! It's been sooooo long!" This beautiful couture dressed raven haired bombshell comes barrelling towards us from only a few tables away.

"Oh god." Kate mutters under her breath, clearly not happy to have run into this person. I can't help but giggle at her displeasure which causes her to quickly shoot me an angry glare. She gets up and hugs this girl obviously to keep up her charade. "Mia, how lovely to see you again." She smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. I can't help but burst out laughing. On the inside of course - no need to make the situation more awkward.

Kate looks over at me with this 'if I have to suffer you have to suffer with me' look and introduces me to Mia.

"OH. MY. GOD. You're the girl from the music store!" Mia exclaims and then hugs me. No wonder why Kate was a bit hesitant with this chick. She really is quite over the top. "You were so fantastic. You really should be performing, like, I mean professionally. You would be so awesome and then I could buy your album and come backstage. Wouldn't that be so fabulous?!" She babbles. If she talked any faster I'm sure her tongue would probably fall out in exhaustion. Mia of course invites us over to her table her obvious engrained manners shining through.

I follow Kate to Mia's table as Mia animatedly chit-chats with Kate on god knows what, it's as though this girls has the presence of 10 people! As we get closer to the table I notice two young men stand. What manners! By the looks of Mia alone of course she'd have guys just lining up. I can't see their faces as Kate and Mia are in my line of sight but as they move to take a seat I see them. Holy Shit!

Mia makes introductions, which causes a few raised eyebrows and blushes especially from Kate when she's introduced to Mia's eldest brother Elliot, who flashes her an amazing blue-eyed sexy all teeth baring grin. I'm surprised I even notice them with the grey-eyed god standing in front of me. It's him! The stranger from the crowd. God if I thought he was good looking from far away, that image has nothing on what he looks like when he' s up close and personal.

"Nice to meet you Christian." I quietly mutter, offering my hand to the middle child of the three siblings. I feel quite intimated being this close to him.

He hesitates for a moment. He looks... puzzled. Why? I don't understand. He reaches out and shakes my hand.

Oh my! An electric vibe shoots through my hand causing me to pull back quickly. What was that? Did he feel it too? His hand was strong, yet his skin is so soft, and that familiarity vibe from before is back again. "Nice to meet you to Anastasia...officially" he whispers so quietly it's practically inaudible.

Huh? Did he say officially? Maybe I imagined it. Or maybe was he talking about the impromptu performance?

We all sit, order our lunches which Christian and Elliot both insist we share a bottle of wine or two, causing Kate to give me a sideways glance as I ask for a bottle of sparkling water. Our meals are served quickly and Kate, Mia and Elliot comfortably take the reins on the conversation which Kate thankfully steers them away from this morning's earlier event. She even seems more relaxed now with Mia, who doesn't seem to be as overwhelming as I first thought. Apparently Kate and Christian have met before at her Graduation ceremony last year as he was an official guest who handed out the degrees.

Christian keeps staring at me intently. Every now and then stroking his lower lip with his index finger. Back and forth, back and forth, oh I wish he'd stop doing that. It's so god damn arousing, so much so it's becoming uncomfortable; I'm starting to squirm in my seat. How the hell does he do that when he's sitting on the other side of the table from me? I try to keep up and participate in the conversation, trying to keep my eyes from wondering over to the gorgeous man in front of me, but I fail. Fail miserably. I look up and catch his gaze; his eyes darkening, but are momentarily filled with…. hurt? ...anger? ...Why? Do I know this guy? I mean it's possible. I did so many stupid things during that time that I can't remember specific details. Could he be one of them? Could he be that one? That final moment where I felt like I hit rock bottom? Oh god this is so fucked up! Maybe that's why he feels kind of familiar._ Familiar in more ways than one!_ yells my subconscious.

Kate obviously likes his brother because she's brought out the big guns and is flirting with Elliot big time. He's obviously taken with her. The constant girly giggles and blushing is starting to get nauseating and Kate never blushes.

Just as the waiter leaves taking our empty plates, Christian speaks. "So Anastasia, you and Kate were roommates at college. How is it that you didn't graduate with Kate?" His face filled with curiosity.

"Umm...well... I had a major family tragedy so I had to defer my finals and long story short, after special consideration and permission from the university; resubmitting a few assignments and taking my finals last week I should be officially graduating next month with this year's graduates." I babble with nerves. This isn't a subject I like to talk about.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Mia says to me sincerely, completely filled with sympathy.

"I'm sorry?" I'm perplexed. What's she sorry for? Me graduating? Maybe this girl is a bit crazy.

"About your family tragedy. Not you graduating silly." Everybody laughs.

I'm sure my face is now the colour of beetroot. "Oh…yeah, sorry…I try not to think about it. It truly was a dark time for me." I mutter, which causes the table to go silent. Oh this is awkward. Christian gives me a shy smile which pulls me away from the uncomfortable direction of the conversation. On some weird level it feels as if he is trying to tell me something, or as if he knows how I feel. I oddly feel comforted by this and return my own, which then causes his look to change. Darken. I feel a deep pull in by belly.

"We should get going." Kate gives me a look and I know she's doing this for me. "Nice to see you again Christian. Must catch up soon Mia." Kate nods at Christian and gives Mia a brief hug ending the awkwardness. "It was _really_ nice to meet you Elliot." Kate purrs. Oh Kate can you get more obvious! I giggle at her, whilst I stand and say my goodbyes to everyone also.

Christian leans in and whispers in my ear, "It was lovely to see you again Anastasia," ever so quietly before leaving a lingering kiss on my cheek sending enticing shivers down my spine.

Huh? I'm sure I'm looking at him like a deer in headlights. All wide eyed and helpless, his eyes searching mine as if he's asking for a response. I see the same look from earlier flitter across his face briefly. Hurt? Anger? Oh god. He must know me and I don't remember him. How could I not remember this Adonis! _You know why._

As soon as we walk out onto the sidewalk Kate says, "Ok Steele, spill it."

"What do you mean?" Breathe, Steele. Just breathe. There's no way she could piece it together. _You don't even know if your assumptions are right!_ My subconscious snarks. I need to take heed of the saying: assume makes an _ass_ out of _u_ and _me_.

"Christian. You like him don't you?" Oh, that's where she's going with this.

"Uh well, what's not to like? He's gorgeous, but totally out of my league." Well it's the truth. From the conversations at lunch I determined he's got his own business and is quite successful, not to mention he's drop dead gorgeous. And what do I have to offer? Thousands of dollars of student loans, no real substantial job and I'm not anything real special to look at. Not to mention the bucket load of emotional baggage I have. We come from two totally different worlds. Not to mention he may already know me and the question is do I want to know him?

"Girl, he likes you. I can tell. He was practically eye fucking you!"

"What about Elliot you obviously like him." I say using my patented distraction technique which thankfully works.

"I gave him my number." She starts giggling like a school girl. I really hope this ends well for her sake and mine. I really do despise the bunny pyjamas that she has ear-marked for her emotional times.

"When the hell did you do that?!" I truly don't remember seeing that! But then the place could have been on fire and I probably wouldn't have remembered it. Those fingers, those lips…

"When you two were eye fucking!"

We both burst out giggling and slowly make our way back to our apartment, ducking in and out of stores for as Kate puts it 'last minute necessities'.

Finally we make to back to our apartment and go our separate ways. I really need a lie down. My feet are killing me. I dump my stuff on the floor of my bedroom and lie down thinking that a nap is in order.

I can't sleep.

I can't relax.

I look at my alarm clock and I've been lying here for an hour and a half. Today's events keep circling round and round in my head. When I really think about it, it felt good. Really good. I performed and had so many people enjoy a love that has a special place in my heart.

I had the opportunity to make a small insignificant mark on the world in one way or another today.

I did something that makes me happy and others seen it too.

Total strangers recognised that there is something special about me, rather than the little mousey girl that was always pushed aside.

But then seeing Christian…that's opened up some old wounds. Ok, yes I don't remember him but I did get the distinct vibe that I should of. He makes me think about...I don't remember that night but the next morning… I need to talk… I sigh inwardly. Words from a past conversation come floating back into my head- "You'll know where you're ready to open up. You'll know when you're ready to share. Until then just listen."

"Kate?" I say quietly, knocking on her bedroom door, finding her lying on her bed reading some trashy fashion magazine.

"Yeah?"

Quietly I mutter, "I think I'm going to go see Dylan."

She looks at me, worry spreading across her face. "Are you ok? Was today a bit much? It was a bit overwhelming wasn't it?"

"Ah, no. I'm ok... It's just... I've been thinking about it for a while and after today I think maybe it's time."

She comes over and gives me a hug and whispers in my ear, "Ok. You know I love you like a sister and I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. Whatever and whenever you need."

"Love you too Kate."

* * *

"Welcome everyone. Let's get started." States Dylan which causes the group of people that were milling around the refreshments table to make their way to the circle of chairs. Once everyone is settled, all eyes are on Dylan. He nods and bows his head closing his eyes, the group mimics and recites together:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

"Ok. Who like to start? Maybe you Ana?" Dylan signals towards me. I should have guessed that he'd want me to start after our earlier chat.

Breathe Ana, you can do this. Today I take the step from listening to talking. "Hi Everyone. My name is Ana."

"Hi Ana." The group the chimes.

I smile, a nervous smile but a smile none the least,

"And I'm a recovering Alcohol Abuser."


	6. Disconsolate

**A/N: Hi guys. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's break. Sorry it's taken so long to get another chapter out to you, but with Christmas and everything I thought it was only fair to take a break also. Hopefully now that we are slowly getting back into the bump and grind of normal life I can get back into the routine of posting every few days. Thanks so much for the response to the previous chapter. As always reviews are greatly appreciated, as is feedback.**

**I own nothing, this is just for fun.**

**Christian's POV**

* * *

_Disconsolate - adjective - without consolation or solace; hopelessly unhappy; inconsolable; characterized by or causing dejection; cheerless; gloomy._

* * *

"Nice to meet you to Anastasia" I return her greeting. Nope nothing, except that electric vibe that travels straight through me. I didn't imagine it. It's there again. She moves her hand away quickly. She must have felt it too. The look in her eyes shows such sincerity. There's no hint of anything, no small smirk, no flash of recognition. "...officially." I mutter under my breath. Really? I am forgettable? I thought I was an absolute sex god; women are constantly drooling over me. Normally I find it fucking annoying, but here in this moment with her I'm...disappointed? Disconsolate? _Jesus Grey get over yourself._

I can't believe she's here. She's here. She's finally here. I've been waiting six months. Six long fucking months. Even if it was for a moment to see her again, to feel her again, to touch her again and today I've seen her twice. Twice. The second now being a coincidental impromptu lunch date. A fucking chance meeting. I have billions of dollars, some of the best people money can buy and they couldn't fucking find her and today, today of all days I have a chance meeting with her. The woman who has been haunting my dreams. My dreams which are constant reminders of a night were I lost control. My precious control. And you know what? It was fan-fucking-tastic. Literally.

* * *

We've been back and forth from the bar to the dance floor. Normally, I wouldn't allow myself to drink so much, but she's so alluring I can't help but follow her like I'm some lost puppy dog. Fuck me, I know this is ridiculous, but I'm actually having a good time and I can't remember the last time I felt like this. Or had this much fun. _Except when you whip brown-haired little girls_.

Let's re-phrase that then; I can't remember the last time I had what people would call _normal_ fun.

I'm holding her close, one hand on her hip, one splayed across her flat stomach. My nose in her hair, breathing in her scent. She smells so fucking good. So sweet, so enticing. Her backside grinding into my front as we dance. Our hips rolling together as we move sensually in time to the pulsating beat. Her arms are in the air, her hands twisting and moving with the music. I run my fingertips slowly down her arms igniting her skin down to her hips causing her to grind even harder into me. My member getting harder; fuck this feels so good. I thrust slightly into her letting her know what's she's doing to me. She slowly turns around dropping her arms and pressing herself against me, her small frame fitting perfectly in mine. Her hands creep up from her side to my backside giving me a small squeeze, rolling my hips into her, my erection pressed firmly into her belly. I wrap my arms around her and nuzzle into her neck; nipping and sucking along her jaw towards her mouth. Her blue eyes filled with want looking into my grey. She breathes a slight moan and I take advantage and kiss her slipping in my tongue. She reciprocates with passion, lust, meeting mine stroke for stroke. We're both lost, releasing our lips briefly for air, whilst our hips are still grinding together in time with the beat. Her eyes gaze at mine, blue to grey and starts singing in a husky whisper against my lips the words of the current song playing.

_Shame on me_

_To need release_

_Uncontrollably_

I'm going to need to release soon if she keeps rubbing up against me, and I'll be losing all control too if I don't get some sort of release.

_I wanna go all the way_

_Taking out my freak tonight_

_I wanna show all the dirt_

_I got running through my mind_

Hell, if that's not an invitation, I don't know what is! How apt are these words! The dirt I have running through my mind: trussed up against my cross; leaning over my whipping bench, that perky ass all pink…

She places her small delicate hands on the back of my neck pulling my head down for her to trace small delicious kisses along my jawline towards my ear, reciprocating what I did moments before. My hands are now roaming, feeling her every curve, her every dip as she moves with me. She starts singing the words again.

_There's a countdown waiting for me to erupt_

_Time to blow out._

She reaches my ear and softly sucks on my lobe causing me to grow even harder.

Fuck! That feels so good. In the words of- oh who the hell cares! - I'm going to fucking erupt; going to blow out...and soon!

Softly she whispers in my ear, "Fuck me."

* * *

For fuck sake! I wish that stupid Kavanagh woman would shut the fuck up. Her insistent yabbering has pulled me from that delicious memory. She is just as bad as Elliot and Mia. And the giggling, oh Christ! Elliot may as well just take her out the back and fuck her senseless as they are both eye fucking the crap out of each other. It's pathetic! _You can talk Grey! You can't take your eyes off a certain young lady._

The delectable Miss Anastasia Steele is sitting in front of me. Her black tank top hugging her body, her breasts just peeking out the top in the most alluring sort of way. My index finger is brushing against my lips reminding me of how soft and silky her skin feels. Yes. So soft, so sweet. I would very much like to do that again. Vanilla. Who would have thought it's the best of all the flavours. But then can I really call it vanilla? I mean we combined a different kind of love of mine together: piano and sex. Obviously a love of hers too by the way she moved and played earlier. It was a first for me. Every time I look at my piano, touch my piano, play my piano it reminds me of her. It's a bittersweet memory. How her back arched in pleasure; how she curled her toes just before she reached her peak and screamed out in ecstasy. Oh how I would like to do that again with this alluring piece in front of me. Yes, very much so.

As I'm only half listening to the conversation going on around me, I refocus on the beauty in front of me. She's avoiding eye contact, but she keeps looking at me. You've seen it all before baby. In all its glory. I stare; imploring any sort of emotion to be displayed across her body or face that tells me she recognises me, that she remembers me. I read numbers and people for a living and I'm fucking fantastic at it. Either she truly doesn't remember me or she can hide her emotions really well. She's a mystery and I want to read more.

Finally, I catch her gaze. Her eyes are so beautiful. I've never seen such clear blue eyes. Apprehension flitters across her face. Why? Is she afraid of me? Does she fear me? _Quit staring at the poor girl you idiot!_ I suppose we did drink quite a lot that night. Flynn's words: Benefit of the doubt Grey. It's quite common to blackout memories when copious amounts of alcohol are consumed. No need to get angry. I've dealt with this. She wasn't mine and isn't mine. It was one night. She did not leave me. I was not hers to leave._ But you want her to be, stop denying it; why else would you have spent the last 6 months looking for her?_

Thankfully, the waiter has come to clear the table and causing the other three yabbers to shut their traps for a few seconds. Thank Christ! There's only so much of Miss Kavanagh's incessant flirting that I can handle. I take the opportunity to expand on some of the information that Miss Kavanagh's big mouth has revealed.

"So Anastasia, you and Kate were roommates at college. How is it that you didn't graduate with Kate?" Shit, maybe I shouldn't have asked that as apprehension fleets across her face again.

"Umm...well... I had a major family tragedy so I had to defer my finals and long story short, after special consideration and permission from the university; resubmitting a few assessments and taking my finals last week I should be officially graduating next month with this year's graduates." She says quietly and quickly. Obviously a topic she doesn't like talking about. I wonder what kind of family tragedy. Someone got sick? An accident maybe? A death? Has to be something quite serious for her to have so much time lapse and go to so much trouble to finish her degree. Before I get the chance to ask, Mia pipes in.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Mia says sincerely, completely filled with sympathy.

"I'm sorry?" Ana looks perplexed.

"About your family tragedy. Not you graduating silly." Everybody laughs. How cute. So innocent; so naive. Her face turns a delicious deep red colour from embarrassment. Is this really the same vibrant, straight forward vixen I met that night? So intriguing; such a mystery I must solve.

"Oh yeah, sorry. I try not to think about it. It truly was a dark time for me." She mutters, which causes the table to go silent. So this is why she said she was fifty shades of fucked-up. Does she have a darkness that seems to consume her as well? Has to be a death. Maybe of someone close. Lover? Parents? Maybe we have a lot more in common than just mind blowing sex. _Well that would be a first Grey!_

That same look that she had in the bar that night returns to her face. Lost and sad. I feel compelled to comfort her, to touch her. Given the situation I opt for a smile, hoping that it conveys that I know how it feels to be trapped by the darkness. She smiles back. Holy fuck, she's so beautiful. That smile congers up more memories.

* * *

"Fuck me."

A deep primal grown comes from within me. I've never heard something so god damn sexy in my life. If we weren't on the dance floor I'd fuck her right here right now. I kiss her, hard. My tongue possessing her like never before. We release. My eyes searching hers making sure I heard her correctly. She raises a brow, "Was that not forward enough for you? Or are you really not up for it?" She smiles and knowingly grabs my ass with one hand, and simultaneously places the other on my shoulder to steady herself. She hooks her leg around my waist and pushes herself into my throbbing member reminding me exactly what is up. I close my eyes briefly, revelling in the feeling of her slowly rubbing herself against me in time with the music. My hand travels down her thigh. So beautiful. Her skin is so soft and silky beneath the tips of my fingers. A small groan slips out of her delectable mouth. She's so responsive. I like that. I really fucking like that. Hearing the music pulsating around us I have an idea. The DJ must be reading our minds tonight! Repeating her earlier actions and the words of the new track in her ear, my voice betraying me with a husky whisper.

_Where have you been all my life_

She gasps slightly, her body reacting with her leg pulling me tighter to her. Our eyes meet. Searching each other. Nothing is said as the words of the music says it for us, as the atmosphere of the club surrounds us.

_Where have you been all my life_

_Where have you been all my life_

_I've been everywhere man_

_Looking for someone_

_Someone who can please me_

_Love me all night long_

_I've been everywhere man_

_Looking for you babe_

_Looking for you babe_

_Searching for you babe_

_Where have you been _

_Cause I never see you out_

_Are you hiding from me yeah?_

_Somewhere in the crowd_

She smiles this cute little shy smile. Fuck she's so beautiful. I try to pull myself together. I don't do public showing of affection. _You don't show affection at all Grey!_The copious amount of alcohol that I've had is starting to have an effect. I grab her sweet perky ass lifting her slightly off the floor, causing her to drop her leg. I grab her hand and drag her off the dance floor. I will not do this here.

* * *

"We should get going." Miss Kavanagh says glancing at Ana. A look passes between them, words not needing to be spoken as Anastasia nods understanding her meaning and intentions. Crap! She's leaving too soon. What do I do? What the fuck do I do? I need time to think. To think clearly. I can't think clearly around her. I need control over the situation, but there's no time for that. Shit!

They both say their goodbyes and I feel like she's slipping away from me. What the fuck has she done to me? She's totally oblivious that's she's knocked my world upside down. She giggles at the revolting display that Miss Kavanagh is putting on for my dear brother Elliot. I can bet he has her in his bed by the end of the week. Anastasia's giggle though is a sound to behold. Music to my ears. I need to touch her. I need to smell her, before she rips straight through my life again. _For fuck sake Grey! Get it together_.

I lean in and whisper in her ear, "It was lovely to see you again Anastasia," ever so quietly inhaling her sweet scent before leaving a lingering kiss on her cheek.

Her guileless blue eyes search mine, all wide eyed and helpless trying to understand. My eyes searching hers praying that by some miracle I trigger some memory, some response that the memories I have aren't made up. That I haven't conjured up some ridiculous love affair in my fucked up head. She follows Miss Kavanagh out.

She's gone. What the fuck is wrong with me? I just let her leave, with no plans to see her again. I need a plan. Yes, I need a plan.

I excuse myself from the table, needing to make a call. I walk away for some privacy but also so Mia and Elliot have no chance of hearing what I have to say.

"Welch, get me everything you have on one Miss Anastasia Steele…..Yes I found out her name."

* * *

**Credit where credits due:**

**Songs: I wanna go - Britney Spears (I know its Britney but I just couldn't help myself LOL)**

**and  
**

**Where have you been - Rihanna**


	7. Fragile

**A/N:** **Hey guys. Just wanted to apologise for taking so long on this chapter. Real life and writers block didn't help the situation. I won't put a time frame as to when the next one will be up because no doubt life, kids, uni etc. will get in the way. Hope you're still enjoying. Quite proud of myself as it's my longest chapter yet! Reviews, feedback, suggestions are most welcome. Bit of a filler chapter to make our way towards our beloved couple meeting again. Much love ox **

**I own nothing, this is just for fun. **

**Ana's POV**

* * *

_Fragile - adjective - easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail; vulnerably delicate, as in appearance; lacking in substance or force; flimsy._

* * *

I glance over at my alarm clock to tempt fate hoping it has been a least a few hours since I last looked. It's 1:25am. I've been tossing and turning for what feels like hours when in all fact it's only been 10 minutes. Time is moving so slow and I think it may be driving me insane slowly but surely. My mind is going a hundred miles a minute; todays, well no actually yesterday's events floating around and around in my head.

* * *

"I think I ran into that guy." I say staring at the floor, not wanting to look at Dylan's piercing baby blue eyes which are looking at me so eagerly after the information that I'm about to embark to him.

"What do you mean 'you think you ran into that guy'?" He knows exactly what guy I'm talking about, but I have a feeling he wants to pull his 'I'm learning to be a counsellor' crap on me rather than being my supportive friend.

"You know? That guy?" Jeez, you want me to spell it out.

"Ana, remember we talked about this. You need to say it out loud. Not use innuendos towards what you want to say. Not only for me do you need to say it out loud so I have the correct understanding as to what you are referring to, but you need to hear it. You need to register it."

"You know it's times like these that I regret encouraging you." He gives me the biggest smug smirk. Yes, I can take the hint.

I take a deep breath, "I think I ran into that guy I had sex with whilst I was totally rotten drunk. Where I woke up butt naked, sprawled out on a piano and I couldn't find my panties, bra or my shoes. There. Are you happy?" My voice dripping in sarcasm.

Dylan just gives me a pained look. "Ana, don't get pissed at me. You came to me remember. I'm trying to help you."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry."

"Plus..." He gives me a conspiratorial little wink and nudges my shoulder "I've woken up in weirder places." He chuckles his eyes alight with whatever memories he is reliving of his drunken antics. "You want to elaborate as to why you think this is the guy from that night?"

"A feeling."

"Ana, you know you can't go around accusing some guy of taking advantage of you when you were pissed out of your nutter based on a feeling. Now, tell me if I'm wrong, but from memory you told me that you don't remember anything from that night."

"Well, not exactly." Oh crap that came out a little too fast.

"What do you mean?… 'Not exactly'?" His brow raised in a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"Well, like I said it's a feeling…" Dylan raises both brows and gives me a pointed stare. "...coupled with something Christian said…"

"Oh, so this guy has a name. We on first name basis now are we?" He says cutting me off. His voice reeking in jealously and disdain. Jeez and people stereotype women as moody. Go figure.

"Let me finish will you?! Jeez, D. you're sounding like some jealous boyfriend. Just a minute ago you were practically defending him." I put my hand on his forearm in a calming and reassuring manner. "We're not going down that path again. Ok? Remember - Friends, full disclosure, honesty and an open mind."

Looking dejected Dylan puts his hand on mine. "I know. I'm sorry. You know how I feel about you." He looks at me with such love, but with so much hurt and disappointment at the same time.

"I know." I say whilst giving him a small smile, bumping his shoulder with mine trying to lighten up the mood. "Stop with this sappy shit ok? I need help."

He chuckles and runs his hand through his blonde locks. I briefly wonder why we didn't try harder to make it work. I mean he's gorgeous. He looks like he spends most of his life at the beach surfing, when actual fact he has never left the state of Washington. Hard to believe I know but it's true. But that thought is short lived because we both know why it didn't work. We just didn't love each other the way that meant happily ever after. We loved each other more as support at a time where we were both so messed up and trying to find ourselves again. I suppose I could have learnt to be happy with him but we both realised that if we continued we'd end up hating each other for lying to ourselves. Being dishonest with we who we are was one of our underlying problems in the first place. One of the very reasons we both found ourselves in rehab: the constant denial of admitting we had a problem.

Pushing my musings aside. I continue. "Anyways, I don't know how to explain it but he feels familiar. Like we've definitely met before. Plus the way he looked at me and he said it was nice to meet me _officially_ and it was lovely to see me _again_."

"Hmmm maybe Ana, but you said you played at Henry's shop just before you had lunch, so he could have seen you and just be referring to seeing you play earlier?"

"Maybe. Oh jeez I don't know, Dylan. It's a feeling I can't shake. All I do know is that after seeing him today it's opened up some old wounds that I've been trying to bury deep down to never resurface again."

"That was never going to happen and you know it. That whole night was the reason you decided to get sober. If your assumptions are correct; you met this Christian fellow when you were drunk. You were drunk... a lot. It was what you resorted to drown out your pain of the loss of your parents, to have no inhibitions. If it wasn't that then it was … if I remember correctly your words were... to feel free and live life. Plus your childhood wasn't a bunch of roses either. How many surgeries did you have because of those bitches? What was it, like…4?" He carries on not waiting for my answer.

"Yes, you went about dealing with your problems the wrong way, and yes that night caused you to come to the conclusion that you were ready to face those problems, but it could have been worse… much much worse. I mean hell Ana, for all you know this guy could have raped you or drugged you. You were lucky he wasn't some psycho who could have beaten the absolute crap out of you and on that note who's to say that he's not! Remember what you told me? You were scared out of your mind when you woke up that morning. Not knowing what you had done and where you were. So you ran. Took your things and got the hell out of there."

He takes a deep breath, calming himself whilst searching my eyes wondering if he's gone too far with his berating. I close my eyes and nod knowing that everything he is saying was a possible reality of my actions.

"Do you think you'll ever have to see him again?" His voice betraying his outer exterior.

"No...Maybe...I don't know." Dylan's eyes widen over the possibility I'll see him again.

"Do you think he's a danger to you? Do you think he wants to use you as some cheap thrill?" His voice rising with each question. Use me? It's not like we are going to start dating or anything. Whoa, too much too fast. His mind must be going into protection mode now.

"Oh god no! Definitely not Dylan. I didn't get that vibe at all. There was something there. I mean yes, he's drop dead gorgeous, but I don't know how to explain it. It felt like we have more than attraction. If it was him, after seeing him...or meeting him- however you want to look at it; I don't think he had any ill-intentions that night."

The realization of how stupid this sounds hits me. I bury my face in my hands. "Oh god, I don't even know why I'm stressing about it. I have no idea if it was him; I'm just reacting to some weird vibes I got from him. I mean he could be just some random I made out with in a club, and from what Kate tells me I did that a few times too."

Dylan's overall presence relaxes with that comment. He winks at me and playfully bumps my shoulder again. "Yes I remember. It seems that alcohol brings out the little Ana Steele sex vixen." Dylan chuckles and I punch him in the arm. He grimaces. Serves him right.

* * *

I peak over at my alarm clock again. For fuck sake! It's only 2:40am. Only an hour and fifteen since I last looked. This is ridiculous!

I get up and move over to my keyboard that sits under the window of my bedroom and pull open my blinds so I can see the street outside and the few stars in the sky. I need to purge and this is the only way I know how. I plug my headphones into my keyboard in order to try and not wake Kate. My singing on its own is not usually load enough to wake her. I sit warming my fingers by playing scales whilst deciding what I shall play and stare out the window not particularly looking at anything in general.

There's a gentle breeze blowing outside and the branches from the tree knocks gently on the window every time a stronger gust comes through. I never noticed it before but there's a little bird's nest nestled in one of the tree forks quite high. It's moving slightly, with the breeze taking a few pieces with it. It must be abandoned, too fragile to take the weight of any inhabitants. Fragile and abandoned. How ironic. Just like me.

I was left fragile from my childhood and abandoned by my parents. Ok, I know that's not a rational thing to say but that's how I feel. In reality they were taken from me. Taken by some moron truck driver who fell asleep at the wheel; crashing head on into their car. Life can be so unfair. My parents' lives taken whilst he still has the opportunity to continue his.

My parents were my biggest allies growing up. If it wasn't for them I probably would have ended up going down a dark and twisted path a lot earlier than I did. Their love and support stopped me from going down that road and now that they are gone ...well we already know the answer to that.

I was a chubby, no let's be honest I was a fat kid. I never grew out of my baby fat and as I got older I got picked on and I sort comfort in food. This of course just acerbated the situation. To make matters worse I needed braces and to top it off glasses as well. School was not fun. Well, that's an understatement. School was horrific for me. To others looking in from their perfect worlds may think I'm over exaggerating; but to me, horrific sounds like a perfect word to describe the situation. High school was even worse. I even have scars to prove it.

From the corner of my eye I suddenly see a small house sparrow carrying some sort of material in its beak. I watch intently as it tries to weave it into the nest, essentially trying to make it stronger. Bit by bit the bird goes back and forth from where ever it has its little stash located, slowly making the walls of the nest stronger.

That's what I'm trying to do. Put myself back to together, piece by piece to make myself whole again. I broke. I truly broke into a thousand pieces when my parents died. They held me together for years, before and even more so after the… incident. But now they are gone and I need to take responsibility for my life. The course of my life is in my hands. Yes I finished my degree, and am now looking for a job to use it, but part of me feels like I was just going through the processes: finish school, go to college, and get a job. I think today's events have opened my eyes. For so long I've been hiding. Hiding from the bullies, hiding in my insecurities and hiding from my talents.

Another gentle gust runs through the branches of the tree causing some of the pieces that the sparrow added to be lost again. The breeze seemingly takes it so easily, leaving it fragile again. Not to the extent that it was but never the less back to a fragile state. Just like the birds nest I will always have a part of me that feels fragile and abandoned, but like the bird I will try and rebuild; to be tougher, stronger. I will embrace it and learn from it.

I look down at my hands, which are placed ready and waiting on the keys and I start to play.

_Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one_

_Seven days a week but my life has just begun _

_So caught in emotion that I'm overcome _

_As I'm falling down I'm I come undone _

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone _

_Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong _

_Sometimes I feel so frail, so small _

_Sometimes I feel vulnerable _

_Sometimes I feel a little fragile _

_A little fragile_

_In six thousand years what will this mean? _

_Words from the heart or a melody _

_So caught in emotion that I'm overcome _

_As I'm falling down I come undone_

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone _

_Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong _

_Sometimes I feel nothing at all _

_Sometimes I feel so vulnerable _

_Sometimes I feel a little fragile _

_A little fragile_

_If people can see right through my eyes _

_Like an open door that I can't disguise _

_I won't be afraid from the tears I cry _

_I'll not run. Ill not hide, this is how I feel inside _

_A little fragile _

_A little fragile_

_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone _

_Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong _

_Sometimes I feel so frail, so small _

_Sometimes I feel vulnerable _

_Sometimes I feel a little fragile_

_A little fragile_

As I finish, I can faintly hear my name being called and then a gentle hand is placed on my shoulder. I shift to face her behind me, taking my headphones off in the process.

"Sorry I woke you. Was I singing too loud?"

"No, it's fine. I was up grabbing a glass of water." Kate sits on my bed placing her glass of water on my nightstand. "That was beautiful. I've never heard you play that one before."

I shrug and glance back over my shoulder out the window. "It's been awhile."

We sit in silence. I can tell her brain is trying to calculate the underlying meaning of my words. Finally, she breaks the silence. "Is that how you feel all the time? Fragile?"

"Yeah, sometimes. More so today I guess. You know, breaking down walls and all can be daunting." I reply softly. She looks at me and gives me a sympathetic smile.

"What time is it?" I say, more so to distract her from topic and start something else. She turns and looks behind her at my alarm clock as I can't see it due to her position on my bed.

She smirks, grabs my acoustic which is leaning up against the wall next to my bedside table and hands it to me. A wide grin is plastered on her face. "It's 3am."

I return the smile knowing exactly was she means and start to play.

We sit giggling and reminiscing about all the times we've sang and played that song. Up at 3am still cramming for an exam or writing papers that we've left to the last minute. Up at 3am talking about boys... more so Kate doing the talking; up at 3am consoling her about said boys and of course up at 3am stumbling home from a night out. It's just become one of our little traditions when we are both awake at 3am. We heard it on the radio one night: 3am on at 3am. We thought it was hilarious. Stupid, but hilarious.

"Oh guess what?!" She shrills all of a sudden, her excitement oozing through her whole body.

"What? What? What?" I mock copying her bobbing up and down on my bed and clapping like I'm some circus monkey.

She ignores my taunt and says, "Elliot Grey called me whilst you were out and he asked me out." She says squealing like a little pig who's hit the jackpot with some top quality mud.

"Oh lord have mercy on him," taunting her again. She gives me a pointed stare, "ok, ok I'll stop. So where are you going? What you doing?" I'm genuinely interested. My love life has always been pretty shit.

"Dinner tomorrow night, well actually tonight now since its morning but I have no idea where. He's coming here at 7 to pick me up." She looks over at the time and horror registers across her face. "Holy crap! Is that the time. I have to be up in 2 hours to get ready for work!" She jumps off the bed and races out of my room whilst yelling over her shoulder, "Easy for some. Bloody jobless squatter!"

I burst out laughing and lay back on the bed with my hands behind my head. I have no study, no job and nowhere to be tomorrow so I can sleep in as long as I want. Pure bliss.

* * *

Christian's strong soft hand skims down my neck to my breast where he plays with my nipple, elongating and hardening at his touch. A soft moan escapes my lips whilst his cool breath sends shivers across my now sensitive skin. His hand leaves my breast leaving me bereft. His hand skims towards the apex of my thigh making me ache for his touch. Kneading and circling his thumb; so close but yet so far. My hips rising in need, desperate for his thumb to make its way closer to its destination. Finally his index finger makes its way to my sex sliding my wetness up and down from my anus to my clit.

"Oh baby your so wet for me. I like that. I really like that a lot."

I moan as he enters one finger, circling, stroking my walls. My hips rise again involuntarily after more friction. He stills. All I feel is his cool breath across my body.

"You need to learn how to stay still baby"

"Oh, please." I whimper against his lips, his other hand has mine locked above my head. Not being able to touch him is making my need for him grow tenfold.

"We aim to please," entering a second finger, circling and stoking again. His pace increasing as he uses his thumb to rub and flick my clit at the same time. I'm building and I can feel my insides starting to quiver and tense.

"Oh god Christian ... oh ... yes ... harder …. faster"

"You like that? You like me here?"

My body tenses and I tighten around his fingers. His cool breath comes across me again sending all my nerve endings to nirvana.

"Come for me baby."

"Oh YES Christian!"

My eyes fly open and I'm blinded by the light pouring in through my window. My curtains gently moving in the breeze due to the open window. A cool breeze... not his cool breath.

What the fuck? I'm all sweaty and the sheets are all tangled amongst my flailing limbs. I have one hand holding onto the headboard of the bed whilst the other is in my panties.

Oh. My. God. Did I just do what I think I did? And in my sleep? I have never, ever, ever done that before. What the hell brought that on!_ Probably all that talk yesterday about having imaginary sex with a certain grey eyed god!_ It must be nearly lunch time or at least mid-morning gauging by the sunlight filtering into my room. Thank god for that. At least Kate's not here to give me grief about it because I'm sure I was not quiet. She would have left hours ago, so no chance of her hearing that!

Great. Brothers. Kate has Elliot Grey on the brain and I have Christian Grey on mine. At least Kate is going to get her Grey in the flesh. Argh, what am I doing? What am I saying?

I need to get up.

I need to shower. Yep a cold shower. That's what I need to do. Wash all it away. No need to ponder over something that is not going to happen.

As I get to the bathroom I notice a post-it note stuck to the door.

_Maybe I should get Elliot to invite Christian along, do a double date._

_Or even better, set you two up on your own private date...with a room._

_Why? You ask. Maybe then you can call out his name ... in person..._

_Rather than in your sleep :D_

_Hahahahaha_

_Love ya guts XX_

Oh Crap! You've got to be kidding me.

* * *

**Credit where credits due: Songs -**

**Fragile - Delta Goodrem - watch?v=40Qs0Zh2mBU**

**3 am - Matchbox Twenty**

**I recommend listening to the YouTube clip so you can get an idea of what is going on in my head sound wise :)**


	8. Embarrassing

**A/N: Ah ha! Another chapter! Thank you for the reviews, new follows and favourites. As always reviews, feedback and suggestions are always appreciated :) Much Love ox **

**I own nothing, this is just for fun **

**Ana's POV **

* * *

_Embarrassing - verb - to cause confusion and shame to; make uncomfortably self-conscious; to make difficult or intricate, as a question or problem - complicate; to put obstacles or difficulties in the way of - impede; to become disconcerted, abashed, or confused. _

* * *

I'm bored.

I haven't really done much of anything today. After this morning's little revelation with Kate's embarrassing note I showered and tried to keep myself busy so I couldn't ponder over what exactly she heard. I know this sounds crazy, but I even washed methodically; telling myself which body parts I would wash so I didn't accidentally brush up against anything to make me horny and start thinking of him...again. Oh, god, the things I'm resorting too. Why has he got such a hold over me?

I cooked myself up a little brunch. Played a few pieces; some old, some new. Did a little cleaning, especially since Kate is not-so-much inclined to do such an activity. Made myself a little late lunch. Played some more; some originals, some covers and now here I sit watching TV bored out of my brain because there is nothing of interest on.

One week down, two more weeks to go.

Two more weeks of doing whatever I want, whenever I want, then I'll be Anastasia Rose Steele assistant editor. If it wasn't for some big story that Kate's working on at the moment, I could be enjoying a couple of weeks of sand and sun on the beaches of Barbados. Kate's family and subsequently my adoptive family - as Kate's parents have taken me under their wings, holiday around this time every year. I could have gone without her and had Ethan her brother for company, but it didn't sit with me right. Kate's hinted in the past that Ethan has or had a thing for me. Ethan's cute, funny and all that a girl should want, but I've always seen him as more like family and has it be I don't have much of that.

The late afternoon sun still has a little bite as the breeze changes signalling the pending evening and the end of a beautiful sunny day. This time of day is generally a little early for my daily run; the beginnings of peak hour just starting to show as early starters leave their offices for the day. Usually I like to go early evening before dinner but seeing I'm bored I might as well enjoy what's left of today's sunshine. Not to mention it gets me out of the apartment for when Kate gets home, and let's be honest; I don't particularly want to have that discussion. Plus if she decides to be serious with the whole double date thing, and knowing Kate like I do its best that I'll be out, sweaty and a few miles away.

Running is something I've learned to enjoy. Over the years, even though it had become routine and a reminder of how far I have come physically, it has also become another refuge for me and my thoughts. After several months of being restricted to a hospital bed re-cooperating from surgeries and months and months of rehab I slowly lost some of the weight that had mentally and physically slowed me down. With a slightly renewed exterior I found the desire and determination to continue the process and change my physical appearance that has plagued my childhood even though the physical and mental scars still remain.

I take my usual route heading along the water towards Olympic Monument Park, my trusty iPhone attached securely in my armband, my earphones in and my running tunes blasting in my ears. There's nothing better than my feet thumping the pavement, the breeze in my hair and my tunes a pumpin'; except of course me, my fingers and a piano.

As I close in on the next turn I notice my shoe lace has come undone. Fortunately for me there's a park bench a few meters away and I stop placing my foot up to redo the laces. Taking in my surroundings I can see the amphitheatre from here. Looks like there's some sort of festival or something going on. Food carts, baby farm animals for the kids including goats - how cute; there's even some local band setting up. A few guitarists, a drummer, even a cello player getting ready for a small growing crowd. All of a sudden high pitched electrical squealing starts blaring from one of their portable hi-fi speakers and a commotion of people start flurrying around trying to turn it off or at least turn it down. I giggle. It's amusing to watch. Obviously their not experienced with the equipment as now you can hear profanities being shouted left right and centre.

Goatfucker? Well, never heard that one before and my old man used to swear like a trooper. I must try that one.

I sigh and half smile. That would be awesome. No, I'm not talking about the equipment cock-up or the odd use of words - obviously, I mean the band; to have purpose; to do something that you love and share it with others. Reminds me of yesterday. My parents understood my love of music but were always insistent that I get a degree and a real job as music in their words '_is a hobby and the chances of making a decent living from it is rare. You need something substantial to fall back on_'. I've got a degree; I've got a job, albeit it doesn't start for another two weeks but I have a job all the same. Maybe I should take up that women's offer, or at least get more details and check it out. I mean, if I can find something low key, nice and intimate; something that suits me, my style, on my terms, that would be cool. What was her name? Rebecca?… Rochelle?… Rachael? Yes. Rachael. Note to self, must give that woman a call.

Suddenly, a hard wall of body crashes into my side. My torso slamming into the metal bin that's positioned in the convenient location right beside the park bench. The back of my head bouncing on the top as my body scrapes down the cold hard metal, my ass taking most of the brunt as I fall hard to the ground, my head narrowly missing the edge of the concrete path and opting for a second impact in the dirt.

Thankfully my earphones have fallen out of my ears, the blaring music not contributing to the throbbing pain. Clutching my head; the immense pain now radiating through me, I use the little energy that pain has not dragged from me and yell at the moron who has just pushed me over. "Ugh watch where you're going you jackass!" Still clutching my head I sit up, hunching over trying to concentrate on my breathing to regain myself.

"I'm sorry, so so sorry" a male voice mumbles. It sounds... insincere, but I'm not sure, oh my head hurts...but it sounds so familiar. I slowly look up at my assailant.

"Jose? …. Is that you?" My head is pounding from the now instant migraine. I lean back and rest against the cool metal of the bin. My eyes are blurry from the tears forming due to the pain. I blink trying to rid my tears to get another look.

"Jose? …. What the fuck?" He slowly edges towards me whilst staring at me with a look in his eyes that I can't quite place.

"OI, YOU!" Another voice yells coming from behind me running across the park. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!"

Jose glances up at the voice edging towards us and starts to back away. Suddenly he turns and runs back in the direction he came. "Jose?" I whisper more to myself than to anyone else as a large shadow is now leering over me. What the hell is going on? My head is pounding and I close my eyes again, blinking repeatedly to try and gain some sort of equilibrium ending with my eyes firmly shut trying to block out the throbbing between my ears. Soft gentle hands are placed on my cheeks clutching my face, and immediately I feel at ease leaning into their touch.

"Are you ok?" The voice wavering, full of concern.

"Here let me take a look at you, Miss Steele." The voice now more in control. My eyes flutter open at my address.

"Chr … Christian? Wha... what are you doing here?" I stutter out, completely taken by surprise that he's here. Christian Grey is here, kneeling in front of me.

Ignoring my question he continues, "Are you hurt anywhere. Can you move?"

"I...I think so. My head is killing me though. I...I'm pretty sure I hit the bin ...and the g…ground." I groan as I move my hands down from my head, grasping at his wrists. He stills slightly. His hands still positioned on my face, I use them to steady myself as a wave of dizziness comes over me. I close my eyes again letting it pass, relishing Christian's hands on me and mine on him.

"Sir?"

Abruptly, they are gone and I feel his presence move away from me. Opening my eyes again I see a handsome older man, slightly out of breath, probably in his mid-thirties, piercing hazel eyes and a buzz cut addresses Christian. "Lost him in the crowd, Sir."

"Fuck!" Christian exclaims then turns to me, his voice harsh and threatening. "Who the hell was that Anastasia? Who is Jose? Was that him? Do you know him?" My head hurts. What the hell is going on? Why is he yelling at me? I'm the one who's sitting in the dirt leaning against a dirty bin probably with concussion. How does he know Jose's name?

Oh my god my head hurts.

Christian notices my confusion and my pain and kneels in front of me, again taking my head in his strong soft hands. His voice now more calm and soothing, "Baby, I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you, but you muttered the name Jose when I got here. I saw the whole thing happen."

He called me baby. I'm not sure if he's realised this, his face remaining the same, concerned and attentive. Oddly, I like it, I really like it. _That's because you want this hunky Adonis to be your baby!_

It's now that I notice that Christian is wearing a white tank hugging his well-defined pecks saturated in perspire; black running shorts showing off his lean muscular legs and expensive high end joggers hiding what I can only imagine are some sexy looking feet. His skin glistening in the sunlight, his hair damp with sweat which is deliciously sticking to his forehead in this sexy just fucked kind of way. He smells divine. I had no idea that a sweaty man could smell so god damn good.

I can feel the heat rising from my upcoming blush. My sex tingling from the thought of the sexy sweaty man in front of me. The thought of this morning's dream flitters through my mind. Oh no, I can't be thinking about that. I can't think period when this man is so close to me.

He lets go of my face and stands gracefully in front of me as I try to make a move to stand. How he does that with such grace is a mystery. I try to clamber up, dizziness overcoming me again; me ending up on my hands and knees, his feet in front of my face. Well isn't this just great. Clumsy Ana strikes again.

Suddenly, music starts blaring.

_I don't want anybody else _

_When I think about you I touch myself _

_I don't want anybody else _

_Oh no, oh no, oh no _

OH. MY. GOD. This totally cannot be happening.

_I want you _

_I don't want anybody else _

_And when I think about you I touch myself _

_Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah _

The music is coming from my arm.

Holy crap.

I start fumbling with my iPhone as I realise that's the source of the music. Whilst trying to get up I've somehow got caught on my earphones that fell out earlier and I've accidentally pulled it out.

Oh god this is embarrassing. And of course it just had to happen on this song.

Just my fucking luck.

Strong hands pull at my shoulders, dragging me up his strong chiselled body. Oh my god he smells so good I could literally lick him like a lollipop. His eyes meet mine; blue to grey, the intensity causes me to blush yet again. Swiftly he presses the touch screen and the music stops.

"I'd like to know what you're thinking that causes that delicious blush of yours, Miss Steele." He whispers seductively in my ear, I feel his grin against my cheek.

Cheeky bastard.

The pain in my head now a dull throb as his words causes my body to redirect energy to my core. He steps back leaving me bereft, whilst leaving his hands on my shoulders.

"Are you alright to stand on your own, Miss Steele?" How does he do that? Playful one minute, serious the next.

"Umm … I think so. Head's just a dull ache now. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Miss Steele."

"Please. Call me Ana."

He nods; dropping his arms and then eyes my outfit of black knee length yoga pants and a tight pink tank top, his jaw tensing as he looks me over.

"Your top and pants are ripped." Anger seeping through his statement.

"What? Oh no!" I step forward, twisting my body to try and see the damage. Losing my balance I fall straight into Christian, who catches me and guides me onto the park bench.

"Err...sorry. Maybe not so ready to stand on my own yet. I'm fine to sit here for a while. You were obviously out on a run. Don't let me keep you."

He glares at me, "Nonsense, Miss … Anastasia," he corrects himself.

I give him a small smile. I like the way my name sounds as it tumbles off his tongue, even If I prefer Ana.

He nods at Mr Buzz Cut who then steps away whilst pulling out his phone. My head is starting to pound again and a slouch down slightly to rest my head comfortably on the bench.

"I'm taking you to a hospital. You need to get checked out, Anastasia. You hit your head pretty hard and you have a few cuts and scrapes that really need to be cleaned up. Plus you need to make a statement and file charges for assault."

"What?!" I snap my head to face him, my eyes wide in shock. "Assault!? What the hell are you talking about? It was an accident."

Suddenly I feel funny. Oh god that wasn't a good idea. Should not have moved my head so quickly. I think I'm going to be sick.

I can feel the anger radiating from him as he speaks, but I don't hear him. His lips are moving but all I hear are muffled sounds.

Oh no!

I feel myself go pale, the blood rushing away; my eyes start to blur and a tingling sensation starts at my head slowly spreading down towards my toes.

Oh, no no no no no no no! This can't be happening. It's been years. Quick, think Steele.

I quickly grab Christians arm. I feel him tense as I lie into his lap.

"Chr... Christian, I ...I think I'm... a ... about to ha... have a sei..." I manage to stutter out before I feel my eyes roll back, my body about to shake as darkness takes me over.

* * *

**Credit where credits due: Songs-**

**I touch myself by The Divinyls**


	9. Spectacle

**I own nothing this is just for fun**

* * *

_Spectacle - noun - anything presented to the sight or view, especially something of a striking or impressive kind; a public show or display, especially on a large scale._

* * *

_Breathe, just breathe._

I take a deep cleansing breath as I stand on the sidewalk looking up at the twenty-story architect's dream of curved glass and steel. The large contemporary doors shows my reflection; my eyes too big for my face, displaying the apprehension of my impending actions. Above the door the words GREY HOUSE is displayed discreetly in the same steel, matching the overall style of the tall imposing office building.

It's been two days since I was released from hospital and this is the address they gave me. The address of the man who practically saved my life. Well, that might be a bit of an overstatement, but I'm truly grateful that I wasn't left on the sidewalk for some psycho to find me. I wonder what he does in this magnificent building. Or what he really looks like. If I believe Kate's rendition of the nurses' descriptions - he's hot, like GQ magazine; effortless hot.

* * *

My eyes flutter open to the sound of slight snoring. Man, I feel like I've been drinking for days with a massive hang over. I haven't felt like this in over six months. Instinctively I lift my hand to rub my forehead for some relief of my throbbing head and realise the slight pulling of an IV. Huh? Hospital? How the hell did I get here?

A strawberry blonde head springs to life from the edge of the bed, her eyes wide; caught surprised from her napping.

"Oh, Ana! You're awake! You scared the crap out of me, Steele. Hang on a sec I'll grab a doctor for you." Kate quickly moves off leaving me to examine my surroundings. By the looks of it, I'm in a small private room, not the ER; I must have been moved to a ward already.

A few minutes later she comes back, a slight bounce to her walk and a sly grin.

"Man, there are some hot doctors who work here! I really hope one of them is for you 'cos I wouldn't mind another look at that!" She says grinning as she takes a seat beside me on my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I was hit by a bus. I wasn't hit by a bus, was I?" Stupid, irrational thoughts now swimming around in my head.

She chuckles at my ridiculous conclusion, "No, silly. You were unconscious, but I don't know why. You're a bit cut up with grazes, so I think you must have fallen and knocked yourself out. You really need to be more careful when you go for a run, Steele. Your clumsiness knows no bounds."

"Where am I?" She looks at me incredulously. "I mean which hospital." My voice shallow; my thoughts trying to find some sort of recollection of what has happened over the last 24 hours.

"Seattle Grace Mercy West."

Well that's a bonus I suppose; thankful that I'm at a hospital that knows me well.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"Mom and Dad are listed as emergency contacts. They called me. I've got to call them back when we know what's going on so they don't worry any more than they need to. Mom said they'd be on the next flight back."

"No, Kate. I'm fine. Call them and tell them not to come back. They've been looking forward to their holiday for ages. I don't want them coming back for nothing. You're probably right, just me and my silly clumsiness. I'm a bloody walking disaster sometimes." This is true. I've been known on many occasions to trip over my own feet.

"I'll call them when we find out what happened. Ok?"

I nod in agreement. If it's something to be concerned about Kate's mom will want to know and be here and there'll be no stopping her - like mother like daughter. "How'd I get here?"

Kate's eye light up and she leans towards me, "How you got here. Weeelllll, that's a story in itself. You're the latest hot gossip of the hospital." She winks. Kate is a sucker for gossip.

I arch my brow, confusion plastered all over my face, imploring her to continue.

"By the time I got here you'd already been moved, and they wouldn't tell me what was going on 'cos I'm not family," her voice lowered; pained by the protocols. Continuing, trying not to be too affected, "so I called a friend, who's brother's girlfriend's best friend is a nurse here at the hospital and she said that two hot guys brought you in," she rambles.

"Yeah, apparently they must have found you while you were out on your run, cause they were also in their running gear when they brought you in and from the way she was describing them…" Fanning her face, Kate states dramatically, "... Oh. My. God. The picture in my head from her description..." She closes her eyes briefly, inhales and dreamily chuckles, "sex on legs she told me... Hmmm, sex on legs."

"The image you've got going on that good, huh?" She nods profusely. I smile, thankful for Kate's attempt to make me feel better. "I'm sure this friend's girlfriend's brother's aunty- whatever- is just exaggerating. Anyways, how does that class me as...", raising my hands, using my index and middle fingers as inverted commas, "...'hot gossip'? I'm sure I'm not the first chick to be brought into a hospital by some good looking guy."

"Guys my dear. Plural. Yes. But you haven't heard the rest."

Kate sits me up and helps me get more comfortable. Fortunately, whatever they have running through this IV has kicked in and my throbbing headache is all but a dull thud.

"So, apparently one guy was a bit older. Gorgeous copper locks, hazel eyes. And the other dark hair, buzz cut, grey eyes. Both with bodies to die for. Not to mention, sweaty... which means clingy shirts and short shorts. Think wet t-shirt comp but with hot guys."

"Kate, you could be describing a dogs breakfast and it still wouldn't get why this is 'hot gossip'."

"Jeez Steele, let me finish. Anyways, younger dude carried you in bridal style, yelled all sorts of profanities for you to get the best care money could buy. When they got the doctors onto you, he wouldn't leave your side, held your hand like if he let go you'd disappear. And get this. She said that everyone noticed the way he looked at you, like you were some old couple who have been happily married, in love for years not just meeting on the street a few minutes ago. A real life Romeo and Juliet moment! That my dear is why you are hot gossip."

* * *

Nurses like to gossip.

I've learnt that over the years and since I was told that I had a seizure, I knew it wasn't likely that I would remember any of the events leading up to it. it was always the same when I had one. I've been seizure and med free for a few years now but according to my neurologist a CT scan and an EEG later, looks like they have come back. I mean I knew it was possible; them being like volcanos and all; lying dormant and all of a sudden can erupt, but after I few years I thought my chances of being seizure free were increasing.

Unfortunately for me that means back to regular check-ups and dosage trials of medication. Apparently just because I've had seizures before doesn't mean I can go back to what worked. Back to the drawing board again to be poked and prodded I suppose. Joy.

Kate was upset that she had no idea I had epilepsy. Or have epilepsy - depends on which way you look at it I suppose. It's not something I like to discuss. In my experience whenever you mention you have something wrong with you, your brain especially people treat you differently; yes they may not mean too, but they do all the same. I can see the sympathy in their eyes and I guess over the years I just want people to see past the condition and see me. It's not too much to ask, is it? I know some may say it's reckless, that I haven't even worn my med-alert bracelet for years, well not since I was seizure free for 12 months. I wasn't born with it, it was thrust upon me. I was upset and angry about it for years and I've tried to move past it and I guess part of my way of dealing with it is to pretend it didn't exist. I guess to some extent that was true. Until now … again.

"Well, hello there pretty lady. Do I know you?" A well dressed, pretty good looking guy approaches me pulling me from my dark thoughts. Eyeing me up and down. Why I let Kate talk me into wearing this figure hugging dress is insane. Something about hot guys and looking good.

"Erm… No. Sorry, I have no idea who you are."

"That's a shame 'cos you look a lot like my next girlfriend." Oh please, you have got to be kidding me. Ignoring him, I keep looking at my reflection trying to psyche myself up into entering the daunting building.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"I suppose." If it will make you fuck off and leave me alone.

"Would you sleep with a stranger?"

"No." Is this guy serious?!

"Well then ... Hi, my name is Jake." I roll my eyes. And this is the reason my dating history is practically non existence. I seem to attract the crazies.

"Sorry Jake, but I have a boyfriend." I don't but hey, what he don't know won't hurt him.

"I have a pet goldfish."

"What?"

"Oh, I thought we were talking about stuff that didn't matter." Really? Does this guy have no morals?

Continuing to stare at the glass, I can feel him eyeing me over again. Sorry buddy, but I'm not biting. In a move to get my attention, he walks around, half behind me, getting too close for comfort; his devilish grin reflecting in the door.

"See pretty lady, Don't we look good together?" Is this guy serious? What is with the lines? Get any closer buddy and you won't know what hit you.

He steps in closer; his body now only inches from mine: my breath hitches, astonished by his persistence. "See baby, you want me. I can tell. We could have some real fun."

Oh, buddy you fucking with the wrong chick.

I close the gap by taking a half step back, surprising the moron with my tenacity; he returning a gasp. My body now half flush against his. I run my hand behind me up his leg towards his crotch, then in a kung-fu like move, I grab, twist and turn. My dad would be so proud. Jake, now bent over in agony, hands pinned back up against his shoulder blades. I lean in from behind and whisper in his ear, "I've got one for you Jake. Are you a clock? 'Cause your ticking me off."

"Excuse me ma'am." A tall gentleman dressed in a black suit looking very Men in Black, obviously some sort of security comes through the glass doors and approaches me, "Can I help you?" Assessing me and my current little predicament; I can see a slight hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"Umm, no I'm fine. Thank you."

"Yes, you seem to be." Releasing Jake who stumbles forward a few steps, gingerly straighten his body, Mr Man in Black turns to him, "Now toddle off Jakey and try your luck somewhere else."

We both watch him stumble through the glass doors, holding his prised jewels glancing over his shoulder occasionally towards us. I can't help but let out a giggle.

"Sorry ma'am. Jake is known for his… antics. Are you waiting for someone?"

"Errm… No."

"May I ask why you have been standing here staring at the door for the last 20 minutes?"

"Oh, sorry. Just got caught up in my thoughts and deciding if this was a good idea."

"Good idea?" He eyes me and my large handbag containing my package, probably trying to decide if I'm a threat or not. Great can this day get any better? All I seem to attract lately is trouble. "Ma'am? May I?" Gesturing towards my bag.

"It's just a bomb. It's not a gift or anything." His eyes and stance now move to high alert, backing away whilst talking into his sleeve.

Crap, crap, crap. Good one Steele, where's your brain to mouth filter.

"Oh my god, I mean its a gift, not a bomb. See? I'm sorry. It's a gift, its a gift." I say whilst trying to shove my open bag in front of his face.

"Ma'am, can you place the bag on the ground and walk away slowly." His voice stern, showing no emotion.

Oh you've got to be kidding me. This day is just getting better.

"Seriously, its just a gift. I'm sorry. Brain to mouth filter. I do that a lot. Really, I'm no threat. It really is a gift. A guy saved my life and I just wanted to thank him, so you can call off the cavalry." Nodding towards the three other men in dark suits that have now joined Mr Man in Black.

"Ma'am, please. If that's the case, just indulge me then."

I put my bag on the ground and step back into one of the men who I hadn't noticed walk around behind me.

"What are you doing? Let go of me?" People are now gawking, like I'm some sort of car accident.

"Ma'am, please if you could come this way while we check the package." Dark suit says, pulling me towards the glass doors.

"It's just a gift, for crying-out-loud! And get your god damn hands off me!" I try yanking my arm out of his firm grasp, his fingers digging into my arm. "Oww, let go!"

"Ma'am, please." His grip tightens, continuing to drag me towards the glass doors. "This way, before you make more of a spectacle of yourself."

The rage that was slowing growing within me is now starting to spew out of my ears. How dare he make out that I'm some crazy woman! Yes, I admit I was staring; single handedly took down a man who was probably twice my own weight and I was carrying large, now suspicious package. But, spectacle of myself! Spectacle of myself! I'll show you a god damned spectacle.

"GET. YOUR. DIRTY. HANDS. OFF. ME!" I scream into the face of the man, manhandling me. Anger now seeping from every orifice of my body ready to take action again and take this man down if he shows no signs of letting go. A brief hesitancy flashes across his face, reading my body language that I mean business. His grasp lessens its hold from my arm, but he refuses to let me go indefinitely.

"What the hell's going on here?"

* * *

**A/N - I want to thank you all so much for your patience with me especially since it has been a while since i last posted and for the continuing reviews, faves and follows of my story. Again, i want to apologize in advance as the updates for this will get sporadic especially due to the pressures and work load i now have with law school. Reviews, feedback, suggestions are always appreciated and wanted. Knowing that i'm doing something good keeps me going to see this through.**

**A huge shout out to Sasha Cameron for taking the time to beta part of this chapter for me especially when your so busy at the moment and to froggynights and fatimatrahan for caring that i hadn't dropped of the face of the planet :)**

**oh and credit where credits due: my little Greys Anatomy inspiration. I'm sure those who love the show might pick up on which little bit i might be referring to. LOL**

**much love ox  
**


	10. Suspicions

_Suspicions – noun – act of suspecting; the state of mind or feeling of one who suspects; an instance of suspecting something or someone; state of being suspected; imagination of anything to be the case or to be likely – a vague notion of something; a slight trace, hint, or suggestion. _

* * *

"Gentlemen, I'll have the papers drawn up and sent to you within the week."

"Nice doing business with you Mr Grey."

I nod, shaking the limp fucker's hand. I've just made you a fuck load of money so I can fix your fucking business so I can make more. Nice doing business with _you_, dick head. I smile to myself. Fuck, I am good.

"If you'll excuse me gentlemen, I have another meeting I must be getting too." I don't; I just want to get the hell out of here.

I walk out of the restaurant to the car out front where Taylor is already waiting for me.

"Grey's House, sir?"

I nod, not looking up from my blackberry. I've got emails to catch up on now that little fucker Peterson is satisfied after another wine and dine. If I had to do that one more time, I was going to tell that fucker he and his crap business could go to hell and he'd be bankrupt within a year at the rate he was managing it.

We ride in silence as I finish up my emails and I come to one that I've read and re-read over the last day, purposely leaving the attachments un-opened.

_Sir,_

_As discussed, please find attached the extra information I found regarding Miss Anastasia Rose Steele that was not provided with the initial routine background check._

_Firstly, yes, your suspicions are correct. Miss Steele has undergone surgery. Several in fact, to the point where she was in a medical induced coma for 3 weeks. However, the reasons for said surgeries may take a little longer as it seems as there was a settlement and confidentiality clauses signed. Also, the initial police reports have also been sealed. I've been able to get my hands on the relevant medical records, but am having a little more difficulty with the court and police documents. It seems that someone or someone's with connections and/or money, a lot of money, has kept this quiet._

_Secondly, the 3 months hiatus noticed in Miss Steele's financial records from the period of September 2011 - December 2011 can be traced to a 90 day residential inpatient program at a small, relatively unknown and expensive rehabilitation centre. Deducing, from bank statements (see attached) of Miss Steele and of her deceased parents, said rehab facility was paid with remaining money received from the events of 2005._

_I'll keep you apprised of any further details that come to light._

_Regards,_

_Ian Welch_

_Head of Security_

_Grey Enterprise Holdings Inc._

_Attachments:_

_* Original Executive summary_

_* Seattle Grace Mercy West partial medical records 2005/2006 (includes 3 photos) of Miss Anastasia Rose Steele_

_* 'The Peace Within Me' Rehabilitation centre's medical and psychological reports of Miss Anastasia Rose Steele_

_* Current bank statements of Miss Anastasia Rose Steele_

_* Bank Statements of Mr Raymond Steele and Mrs Carla May Wilks Adams (formerly Steele) financial year 05/06_

My finger hovers above delete, a motion that I've been doing every time I read it. Should I read the attachments? Should I look at those photos? These are the questions that are continuously running circles in my mind.

What happened to you, Miss Steele?

Every time I read it, a strange feeling floods me. Betrayal? Guilt? Would I be breaking her trust if I read what's contained here?

_Holy fuck!_ What the hell is wrong with me? This woman has affected me in ways that I could never imagine. Every time I close my eyes I see her face.

Her beautiful face.

Even contorted with pain she's beautiful. The last two days my mind has been consumed by her. Immersing myself in work gets me through the day, but the nights - the nights are a different story.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function.

I'm Christian Fucking Grey. Master of my universe, king of pain; I'm fucked up and for someone so beautiful, who's obviously been through so much deserves to be left alone by someone like me. She's not sub material; she doesn't deserve to be treated like some piece of meat. Dare I say it, but she's the type of girl who deserves to be loved.

I can't do that.

I have no fucking idea how to do that.

I'm not capable of that.

Am I?

According to Flynn I am, but what the fuck would that psycho-babbling brit know. It's taking all my self-control to stay away, but I'm a selfish man and my control feels as though it's slipping away.

Her scars.

That's what gets me. I never noticed them before until she seized. _That's because last time you got that close you were more concerned about fucking her brains out than worshiping her body._ True. But that's what I think I'd like to do - worship her.

Taylor took charge at the park whilst I sat there like a fuckin' stunned mullet. Her body shaking before me. It was surreal. Her tank top riding up as her body writhed. And that's when I saw them. A six inch scar across her beautiful creamy white skin. Another just poking out across her collarbone. After we got in the car, making our way to the hospital, I sat there staring at them. She seemed so peaceful lying in my lap and I couldn't help but run my fingers along them.

Her scars.

White-ish pink and raised that have faded slightly over time but are still there all the same. Her skin so soft and flawless except for the permanent marks. Marks that tell a story.

What is your story, Miss Steele?

Mine changed me. Have they changed you?

Scars like that would change a person.

I couldn't help but run my fingers along any exposed flesh that I could see. For all I knew, that may have been my only chance.

What happened to you Miss Steele? Is this why - as you put it - you are 'fifty shades of fucked-up'?

We may have more in common than I ever thought.

Who would want to hurt her? Why go to the trouble of confidentiality agreements and sealing of records? With one click of my fingers I could have some of those answers, but for some reason I feel like I'd be betraying her; invading her privacy. I've run background checks on hundreds of people to gain insight, to gain an upper hand and never felt anything.

It's business.

But Anastasia - she brings something out in me that I've never felt before, and to be frank; it scares me shitless. For some irrational reason I think I want to ... protect her? I don't know. But what I do know is evils of this world has touched her.

I'd already poured over the executive summary for what feels like a thousand times to gain some sort of insight to the mysterious Miss Steele, which resulted in me going for a run to try and get her out of my god-damned-head. But no, alas I run into her… again. Fuck, she was sexy in that little running get-up. I saw her from across the park and she took my breath away.

_Fuck Grey! Do you hear yourself! What the Fuck!_

Shit!

I send Welch another email. After Miss Steele was seizing and fucking problems at Grey's House dragging me away from her bedside I've totally forgot to find out who this fucking Jose bastard is. If I ever get my hands on that little prick he'll fucking regret it. What kind of psycho just comes up to an innocent, lovely woman like Anastasia Steele and fucking purposely barges into them? That was no accident. I saw that with my own eyes. He barrelled into her. He saw her and made a fucking beeline for her.

Taylor's phone rings and my ears prick up from his tone. "... send a pic to Grey for identification ... I'm driving ... minute out ... detouring now." He taps his Bluetooth ear piece, and nods to me in the review mirror, turning away from Grey's house and into the direction of Escala.

"Another potential, Sir. This time a female brunette. Currently onsite. Welch is sending through a photo now from the security tapes."

"Ahhh fuck. It's Courtney, isn't it? Fucking crazy bitch." Probably off her fucking meds again. Where the fuck does Elena find some of these women is beyond me, but I think she purposely did it this time to fuck me off. This will teach me a lesson not to tell fucking Elena anything.

Taylor nods, "After Monday's event that is who I suspect, Sir."

My phone beeps signalling the new email from welch and I straight away open the attachment. I see a female, long haired brunette, dressed a figure hugging navy blue dress, insinuating every delectable curve of her body. Her face is turned away so I can't be sure as to who it is. The woman looks familiar but not Courtney. Too short to be her. My phone beeps again; another email, another photo.

Holy shit.

"Turn the fucking car around, Taylor!"

* * *

"What the hell's going on here?" A loud booming voice appears from behind us. Dark Suit's grip tightens again as he turns towards the voice, but pales, suddenly letting go of my arm.

Oh thank god.

My arm has already started to discolour and I know I'm going to have a mighty big bruise on my upper arm. I'm about to give dark suit another mouth full of my rath as I inspect the damage, but soft, strong hands beat me too it.

The touch instantly soothes me, the anger that had built dissipates as quickly as it arose, the hands surrounding my tiny limb; a balm to my rath.

"Anastasia, you're starting to bruise already," he whispers, his thumbs softly rubbing my arm in small, slow circles. I stand dazed at such a loving act, watching muscular steady hands; feeling as though the whole world around me has deliberately fallen away. How can one tiny simple gesture feel like so much more? Slowly, I look up. Messy copper hair with a strong chiselled jaw greets me, his eyes intently trained on the movements of his thumbs. His jaw is locked tight in anger, but his hands are portraying a different story. Silently, I wish for him to look up; to see his eyes; to gain some insight to what he's thinking.

The gods must have heard my plea, because seconds later he slowly lifts his head, a fury of emotions flash through him before beautiful soft grey eyes settle on mine.

"Christian." I breathe. I can't believe he's here... yet I'm so relieved that he is. "Hi." I hush. He's just as good looking as I remember from the cafe. Maybe even better than what memory serves. His locked jaw loosens upon my small shy smile, with an answering one of his own.

Absolutely breathtaking.

"Hi." A hushed whisper escapes his perfect lips. "We have to stop meeting like this Miss Steele."

"We've met before haven't we?" My voice barely a whisper. Why at this moment I ask this question is beyond me. His eyes wildly search mine. For what? I think I catch a flash of confusion, but I'm not sure.

"Are you ok?" He asks, ignoring my question. Still holding my arm, his movements slow and steady.

"Umm, yeah. Better now. Wha-what are you doing here?" I stammer.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I came to see someone that works here."

A full HD panty dropping grin slides across this face. "I work here. Did you come to see me?"

Oh, playful Christian is sexy, his sex appeal sky rockets tenfold. I try to hide it, but I can't help but grin back at his cheekiness. "Sorry to disappoint, but no. Why would I come to see you?"

His grin disappears quickly, and I just want to kick myself. I really do know how to ruin a good moment. A smile rapidly returns, but not reaching his eyes, seemingly trying to recover.

"Oh, you know, one could only hope." Now I feel like a complete shit. Another reason to add to my list that I don't date. I suck at flirting, suck at conversation, oh hell I just suck in general.

"Sir." A handsome older gentleman with dark hair, hazel eyes interrupts, instantly bringing me back to reality. I sense of dejavu comes to me as the warmth of Christian's hands leaves and coolness of my now bare arm is left. Taking in my surroundings, the crowd that had gathered earlier has now gone except for a few stragglers, namely women who are staring intently at our exchange. The man hands Christian my hand bag and my now half unwrapped gift. My eyes well at the state of what was beautifully intricately wrapped. The carefully placed strands of ribbon and wrapping paper now look like the craze of medusa's snake haired head.

"I believe these belong to you, Miss Steele. Please except my heartfelt apology for the state that your gift is in. It looks like it would have been a beautiful temiyage."

"You know what temiyage is?" I'm truly surprised. Not only is he gorgeous but he's culturally well read.

"Yes, I do. I have a few Japanese business ventures, so I know a traditional Japanese thank you gift when I see one."

"Thank you." I whisper, a mixture of emotions overcoming me. He knows what it is and that pleases me.

As I take hold of my handbag and the temiyage, my annoyance at this situation builds as I try to fix up the strands as best I can. The time and effort that goes into the wrapping, has now been wasted; leaving a very bitter taste in my mouth.

"You know, there's no need for you to apologise. It's not your fault that these 'men in black' drones have their protocol dials turned up to extreme. The idiot that trains and employs these morons should do a better job and should be the one apologising, not you." Christian tenses at the frustration flowing through my voice.

"Yes, I suppose so. I'll bring that up." Great, he probably heads up security or something. That's all I need after this spectacular day I'm having. "So, you came here to thank someone?" He says, trying to veer to safer conversation.

"I had come to say thank you." His brow rises in confusion. I sigh, feeling deflated. This afternoon has just been a rollercoaster of emotions and I think I'm about to run out of steam. "I had a little accident and he pretty much saved my life. I'm told he stayed and held my hand at the hospital for a while before he was called away on important business. Apparently he works here." And apparently he's important. Too important to stay and find out if I'm ok, too important for a phone call or some flowers. Ugh, now I'm just being a narky bitch. I just need to find this guy and get the hell out of here.

"You don't remember what happened to you?"

"No. I don't." My tone is little clipped. I don't elaborate. Telling a practical stranger that I have epilepsy and can't recall events leading up to a seizure is not high on my to do list. Especially to a guy like Christian. He'd probably run a mile if he found out. Who wouldn't? Some stranger who found me didn't bother sticking around to see if I was ok. Stupid parents and instilling good manners in me. Only reason why I'm here... and bloody nagging Kate and her stupid nurse gossip. Now I feel like a total fool. I just need to do this and get the hell out of here.

Trying to steer my building resentment, a take a breath.

"Maybe you can help me. Would you happen to know or know where I could find a Mr Jason Taylor?"

* * *

**A/N: A heartfelt thanks goes out to all those who review, follow and favourite my story. You have no idea what it means to me, especially when my life at the moment is quite hectic. It gives me the reason to keep pushing through when I could easily just drop it and pick it back up in another lifetime. Thank you so much for waiting patiently for this chapter and for those who have nudged me along to pull my finger outta my ass. :D I love you guys xx. As always, suggestions are always appreciated and advanced apologies for the wait to the next chapter.**

**Much Love, M ox**

**P.S. the wait SHOULD be less to the next one as winter break is approaching! Yeah to nearly completing my first semester of law school! … just gotta get through exams – boo :( **


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